Stray Fears - Gregory Ashe Page 0,45
have acted that way,” he said. “I’m still dealing with a lot of stuff from my own life. Things like this, they trigger me, and I don’t think rationally.”
I crunched a chip.
“Can we go now, please?”
I held up a Coke.
“Do you have any idea how many calories are in that? Can we please just go?”
“I do not like people talking to me like that,” I said. “The way you did in the car.”
“I told you, I’m dealing with—”
“Elien, everybody’s dealing with something, ok? I just watched my best friend die. I might have killed him. I don’t sleep most nights because I think I did. But I don’t cuss you out and call you every bad name in the dictionary.”
“It’s not my fault,” he said stiffly. “I’m not responsible when I’m panicking like that.”
“Did Richard tell you that?”
“Richard understands me. Richard is patient with me.”
“Oh, sure. I bet you treat him just like dog shit sometimes. And he lets you get away with it.”
Elien’s mouth dropped open, and for another minute, he paced back and forth. Then he pointed a finger at me. “I thought you were sweet. I thought you were this nice, sweet guy.”
“I’m pretty nice. I don’t know about sweet, but my mom thinks I am, so I guess that’s something.”
“What the hell is going on?” Elien said.
“Do you want this Coke or not?”
“No. I don’t know.” And then he took it and spun off the cap. Dropping onto the curb next to me, he took a long drink. He wiped his mouth and said, “Honest to God, I don’t know when the last time was I had this much processed sugar. First the croissant, now this.”
I poked his arm. “You could use a little more meat on you.”
Color ran under his light brown skin. “If I’m not allowed to talk to you like that, then you’re not allowed to make jokes about my weight.”
“What jokes?”
“I know how I look, Dag. I don’t need you making fun of me.”
“I wasn’t trying to make fun, but I hear you: no more comments about your weight.”
An eighteen-wheeler blew past the Texaco, the hot wave of exhaust battering us.
“I’m sorry,” Elien said, studying the cap from the Coke.
“It’s ok.”
He shook his head and took another drink.
“Elien?”
“Yeah?”
“If anybody ever tells you it’s not your fault or you’re not responsible, and I’m just talking about what you do, that kind of thing, well, I don’t think they’re helping you.”
“Will you please drive me to Tamika’s apartment?” he asked.
I nodded, stood, and gave him a hand.
The apartment building was only another mile or so down the road. We parked halfway up the next block; a fire truck, an ambulance, and a pair of Bragg police cruisers sat out front. Elien took the lead, and I followed. On the sidewalk outside the building, a skinny black man with locs was talking into a phone. When he saw Elien, he disconnected and turned toward us.
“Shit,” he said, and then he started to cry. Elien pulled him into a hug, and for a long time they just stood there, holding each other.
I jogged down to the cruisers; a guy about my age was leaning against one of the cars, and he was wearing the Bragg uniform.
“Dag LeBlanc,” I said. “Deputy with the county. Any chance you can tell me what’s going on?”
“Suicide,” the guy said. “Blew her head off.”
“You’re sure?”
“That’s what the tranny says.”
I glanced back at Kenny, who was wiping his face and listening to Elien. I remembered Mason calling him St. Elien. It was hard to match what I was seeing here, the way Kenny poured out his grief to Elien, the way Elien took that grief and gave back something better for Kenny to hold on to, with the selfish asshole who’d been riding shotgun just ten minutes earlier.
“Say that word again,” I said, “and I’ll have every newspaper in the country printing your name and badge number. It’s the twenty-first fucking century.”
“Who the fuck do you think you are?”
I headed back to Elien and Kenny.
“—can handle this, Kenny,” Elien was saying, his hand on Kenny’s shoulder. “You know you can. You’ve been through worse, and you came out the other side.”
“I know, man, but I was right there. I was right there, and I couldn’t do anything.”
Elien glanced at me as I approached, and Kenny followed his gaze.
“This is Mason’s friend,” Elien said.
“I remember you,” Kenny said, shaking my hand. Then he went back to wiping away tears. “I’m sorry about Mason,