Stray Fears - Gregory Ashe Page 0,23
dessert.”
Dad looked more confused than ever, but he just nodded.
Carrying the plate back to my room, I placed a call to Brennan Kade, a buddy who did investigative work on the side. I told him what I needed, and then I found my tablet and pulled up a browser. I was going to find out what had happened to Mason. What had really happened. And I was going to start by figuring out who the fuck Elien Martel really was.
ELIEN (3)
The next morning, while Richard was in the shower, I went down to the kitchen. I poured myself orange juice and stood at the island. I was sore from the night before. Sex with Richard had never been that frequent, and it had become less so as the pills took effect. Sipping my orange juice, I opened my pill organizer and dumped the vitamins and supplements and prescriptions into my hand. Blues and yellows and whites. I had almost died a week before, and those moments of visceral fear had been the closest thing to feeling alive since Gard had killed my parents and then himself.
I went back upstairs to Richard’s bathroom. The water wasn’t running, but when I touched the handle, the door was locked. I knocked softly.
No answer.
I knocked a little harder.
Nothing.
It wasn’t hard to imagine why; Richard hated giving me ketamine, hated when I got so out of control. He didn’t want to deal with me yet. Fine. Fair. He didn’t have to. I had a question for him, a pretty important one. It was also a pretty straightforward one.
Why the fuck was I still alive if I couldn’t feel anything?
I went back down to the kitchen and fed the pills into the garbage disposal.
When Richard came downstairs, I was sitting at the island, sipping my orange juice. He kissed my temple and ran a hand down my back.
“Do you need another shot?”
I shook my head.
“Elien.”
“No. I’m fine.”
“No ideations?”
“Not a single one.”
“You’re not thinking about harming yourself?”
I met his eyes and smiled. “I’m thinking about going to the library.”
“That’s a change.”
“I can read.”
“I know you can read, sweetheart.” He poured coffee; when he held it out to me, I shook my head. “I don’t think you’ve ever gone to the library while we’ve been dating. What’s going on?”
“Do you keep track of where I go?”
“I just meant you’ve never talked about going to the library.”
Smiling over the orange juice, I said, “You didn’t answer my question.”
“No, I don’t keep track of your movements, Elien. You know that.”
“You could.”
“I don’t.”
“I’d put an app on my phone if you wanted me to.”
Richard sighed, spooned sugar into his coffee, and stirred.
“You could watch me on your phone, follow me as I drive into the city, find one of those cosmetic surgery places where the only limit is money.” I squeezed the flab hanging over my waistband. “How much to have them lipo me, do you think?”
“Are you upset with me?” Richard asked.
“No.”
“Is this about last night?”
“I got exactly what I wanted last night. Did you like last night?”
“Yes, I enjoyed it very much. I love you, and I love making love to you.” Richard tried to catch my gaze. “Are you saying these things to hurt yourself? Body dysphoria—”
“Please don’t talk to me about body dysphoria or dysmorphia or any of that stuff today.”
Richard’s spoon chimed against the mug as he ran it in circles through the coffee.
“I’d like a ride to the library, please. Or I can take an Uber.”
“I have to be in New Orleans today. Muriel can take you.”
“Muriel needs to go to work. I’ll Uber.”
“She drives right by the house. She can take you. Do you want to stay in Bragg all day?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ll take an Uber back.” I smiled over the rim of my glass again. “You can keep track of me with your little app.”
“I don’t know why you’re upset with me,” Richard said, taking out his phone to place the call, “but I wish you’d tell me.”
“I’m not upset,” I said. “I’m having a great day. Maybe if you watch your little app, you’ll see me pay a visit to a special friend.”
“Morning, Muriel,” Richard said. “Do you think you could pick up Elien on your way in? Perfect. Thank you.”
When Richard disconnected, I said, “He’s a fireman.”
“Have you seen my briefcase?”
“I put it in your study. He’s very strong. Just a few years older than me. He lets me wear his helmet.”
“Elien, we’ve talked about this. I’m perfectly