She tried to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come. He just held her. She felt Hank’s eyes on her, a heat on the back of her neck.
“What’s he doing here?” Greg asked, voice growing cold.
“It’s—so complicated,” she whispered.
He pulled away and held her by the shoulders, locked her with that intense stare. He was everything, the foundation of the life she’d built, in spite of Kreskey, in spite of Hank. He was the right choice, the healthy choice, proof that she’d survived the things she’d suffered. But how could he forgive her again?
“Tell me everything, Rain,” he said. “The whole story.”
It started back in the woods, a million years ago. Three children, all victims of a terrible man, all destroyed by what they encountered, a young girl losing her life. And now here they were again, but this time three children were saved. A winding path, a shadowy one, that led them both here together.
Yes, it was a long story. One she knew that she could never fully tell to anyone, not even her husband, even now, as much as she wanted to. That it was this more than anything that bound her to Hank; the truth that only they knew.
FORTY-FOUR
He loves you, I can see that, Lara. What I guess I didn’t quite realize—or maybe I just didn’t want to see it—is that you love him, too. I thought he was just the man you chose because there was no place in a normal life for the relationship we share, for the person that I have become. But, no. It’s more than that. I see it—his tenderness and strength, your admiration and love, your desire to be a better person for him, his desire to take care of you—in spite of yourself.
“She was never going to love you,” says Tess. “You must have known that. Even all those years ago.”
She’s right, of course. She always is.
It was your tenth birthday party and we were playing hide-and-seek in your huge backyard. There had been a piñata, and the grass was littered with candy, a red balloon had escaped the bouquet and was trapped in the tree high above the ground. The day was warm, almost hot—and we’d had too much cake and soda. All the other party guests were gone. And it was just the three of us. Tess was “it.” You and I hid behind the great oak, with Tess looking for us on the other side, far from where she needed to be.
I had a little velvet box in my pocket. My mother had helped me choose your gift. A red crystal heart. I thought it was an extravagant gesture of my love. It cost ten dollars, a fortune, and the deep red, the way it glinted, it seemed like a precious gem.
Maybe it was the sugar rush, or how pretty you were in your dress, or the way the sun was setting and everything was summer golden. We were so close, shoulder to shoulder, the way we sat just now. I leaned in and kissed you, too quick, too hard, as awkward as any ten-year-old boy. You tasted like frosting.
You stared at me a moment, confused, I could tell. Embarrassed. Feeling foolish, I handed you the box. You opened it and smiled.
“Where are you guys?” Tess called out, whiny. “I’m tired. I’m going inside.”
She always did that, got bored with the games and left. Remember?
Then you laughed, not mean, not cruel. Just with surprise, and the funniness of it all. It was sweet, a kind of nervous giggle. And I laughed, too—partially to save face. But mainly because even then I could see how awkward and silly love was, how vulnerable we all are, how unsure. We laughed awhile. I loved you so much that it didn’t even matter whether you loved me back or not. Still doesn’t.
“Thank you,” you said, looking at the heart. “It’s pretty.”
There was no other kiss.
“You guys! Where are you?”
“Here!” you yelled. And I could tell that you were eager to run away.
I lingered a moment, burning with embarrassment and disappointment.
Then finally I followed you inside, where we all collapsed on your big couch, and your parents let us watch television—which they never did. Star Wars on the DVD player, the old one—with Han Solo and Chewy, and young Princess Leia.
And, yeah, Tess was right.
I knew even then that we would never be together. And that we always would be. You left it, the box with the heart in it,