it. She knew exactly what he meant and he was right.
“Trust you to take care of yourself—for us.” When he turned back, his face had darkened with worry. “This story. I can’t lose you to this again. We can’t.”
She walked to him. “You won’t. I promise.”
But the words sounded hollow, and his frown only deepened. How far could she push him? She’d asked so much of him over the years. Would he at one point just get fed up, give up on her?
“I have news,” said Rain, trying for a change of subject. “Good news.”
“I have news, too,” he answered with a resigned sigh. “You go first.”
“NNR accepted Andrew’s pitch. It’s a go,” she said. “We’re going to do the story for the network.”
He looked at her, something strange on his face. “That’s—fantastic.”
“Is it?”
“Isn’t it?”
She looked at Lily, who was cruising—coffee table to couch to end table to the other couch.
“I have to meet with Gillian and Andrew tonight, in the city. I’ll go late, after I put Lily down.”
He went to sit cross-legged on the floor with Lily. She joined them.
When had he started looking so tired? The circles under his eyes were purple; he was pale. She reached a hand for his face, touching the hard edge of his jaw. You forgot about your husband sometimes. Between being a new mom, all the angst and existential bullshit, you could neglect the man who was your partner, once upon a time your boyfriend, the guy who made you hot, who rubbed your back and got your coffee.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, for what felt like the hundredth time. For what? For all her failings, for being a shitty wife, for not knowing what she wanted, for being stuck in the past, uncertain about the future. For the fact that his talent and hard work was less appreciated than it should have been.
He took her hand and kissed her palm, then touched gingerly the bandaged cut on her head. He always forgave her. Maybe that was the heart of true love, forgiveness for all our many flaws and failings.
“For everything.”
He kissed her, soft and sweet. “I knew who you were when we got married—everything about you. But it’s different now. There’s Lily. You can be yourself—but take care of yourself.”
“I will,” she said.
His frown showed his skepticism. Lily crawled into her lap, and Rain held her tight.
“What’s your news?” she asked.
“So, the executive producer job?” he said.
She’d totally forgotten. The job above him was open; he was a natural for the promotion, experienced, hardworking, beloved by everyone at the station.
“They gave it to someone else.”
“What?” Her voice came up too high. “Why?”
Lily was watching Rain, her face gone still, almost worried.
“Al said they wanted someone more ‘current,’ not from hard news. Someone with a finger on the pulse of what viewers like these days. Fluffy features and wellness tips, I guess. And someone who they could pay way less than they’d have to pay me. He didn’t say that, of course. But that’s the size of it, isn’t it?”
“So, who’d they get?”
“A twentysomething morning show producer from California,” he said with a wave. “He starts next week. My new boss—some kid from Los Angeles.”
She hugged him tight, still holding Lily. Sometimes things really sucked.
“Whatever,” he said. “You know, I guess what’s strange is that I don’t even really care. I’m happy. I like what I do. I love you and Lily so much. The job’s already a pressure cooker—deadlines and ratings. Maybe it’s okay, especially now with your thing. Sometimes, you know, things just happen the way they’re meant to happen.”
She could see it in his eyes, though—the frustration, the disappointment. There was worry, too. When someone new came in, who knew what else might change. She took Greg’s hand, and Lily crawled from her lap to his. Some of the worry dropped away, and he smiled at their girl.
“Dada!”
They made dinner together, with Lily in her high chair tossing Cheerios as if she was playing a game, to which only she knew the rules, and was joyfully winning. A chicken stir-fry, a bottle of wine, some David Bowie playing.
Rain searched out Greg’s new boss on the internet and they agreed that he looked like an ass—tight-lipped with blond curls, thick glasses—oh, come on, he doesn’t really need those. In one picture, he wore a bow tie. He ran a small local morning show outside Los Angeles—the kind with local chefs in to cook healthy meals, and visiting authors on