The Story of Us - By Susan Wiggs Page 0,16

I’m facing changes that, for the first time ever, are starting to scare me. My two older children are leaving the nest. In a few years, Katie will be gone, too. I have to figure out what my life will be when I’m not the mom, the CEO of a busy household. What am I then?

I think about that adventurous girl I was when I first married. I am not her anymore, but I still want adventure. Not by following my husband around the globe. I’m grateful for that part of my life, but now it’s my turn.

There’s a dream that I’ve had for a long time, one I never let myself take seriously or pursue because it would mean settling down and staying put. Trying to go for that dream while Steve went for his was a recipe for frustration, since there was only room in our lives for one big career. Still, it must be a powerful dream, because in twenty years, it’s never died.

Something has happened, a slow and inevitable need has built inside me. I suppose I could keep ignoring it, but why? It’s my turn to take my own shot.

Chapter Nineteen

I just turned forty. The flower delivery that should have been from Steve turned out to be from someone quite different, someone I’ve never met but who has become important to me. He’s a client, the first and most important client of my newly incorporated firm, Grace Under Pressure.

I’ve never been the sort of wife who puts life on hold while her husband is away. It’s certainly true of this deployment. I’ve made some changes: buying a house Steve has never set foot in, joining a gym, changing my image and starting a small business. I’ve found a new sense of purpose and, in a lot of ways, reinvented myself.

Here’s a paradox. The very thing that helped us survive and thrive during this adventure as a Navy family is in fact the thing that might just be our undoing. However much I anguished and missed my husband, I was also cultivating my independence in his absence.

Such a trade-off. The sworn duties that prevented Steve from being present at all the children’s milestones, big and small, also enabled us to live a life of rare privilege and adventure. It’s been an honor, not a burden, and together we’ve weathered storms and crises that would tear many families apart.

After nearly twenty years as a Navy wife, I ought to be prepared for any sort of disaster to come our way. We’ve weathered the storms of separation, upheaval, both Gulf wars and changes that occur at the drop of a hat. Somehow it never occurred to me to prepare for a disaster in our marriage.

I’ve gotten good at lying awake. I take inventory of the things I know, the things I can trust. And of the things I can’t trust.

Steve Bennett brought so much into my life. Passion and adventure, the dizzy joy of homecomings and the wrenching pain of farewells, contentment and pride in our children, opportunities most people only ever dream about, perils that civilians never consider. But there are other things he brought, secrets and evasions, a past I knew nothing about.

I always told myself that our differences were what made our bond of love so strong, but of course, as I’ve come to find out, I’ve been wrong before. When I look back at all we’ve done, all the places we’ve been the past two decades, I feel a profound fulfillment. Yet when I look ahead, the picture isn’t clear to me. It’s like I’ve come to a crossroads with no sign to point the way.

Chapter Twenty

It’s hard to believe the twins are about to graduate high school now. They’ve become the young adults Steve and I raised them to be. They’re ready to go off to college next fall.

Brian, as the eldest and only boy, is very well aware that from the moment he was born, his father wanted him to go to United States Naval Academy at Annapolis. Years after my own parents had both passed away, I can still remember what it felt like to bear the weight of family expectations in that way.

When Steve gets home from this deployment, Brian has news for him, but I’ll let him tell it. He’s certainly earned the chance to speak his piece. I hope Emma has some news for her dad, too, but at the moment, she really just seems to be drifting.