“In other words, Saber doesn’t know. You didn’t tell him it was me in LA,” I said, knowing full well she hadn’t.
If she’d told him, I wouldn’t be with her now. He would have kicked my ass and forbade her from spending time alone with me. Or he would have tried to, at least. I might not know my older brother as well as I once had, but he was my brother, and I knew how I would react if she were mine.
“I tried to tell him.” Her gaze drifted. “He knows I was with someone in LA. No matter what you want to believe, he and I were broken up when you and I . . . when we . . .”
“When we fucked.” I didn’t miss that opportunity to fill in where she faltered. Though underneath the words, there was more. So much more.
“Yes, that.” She bobbed her head, and even in the bright afternoon sunlight, I could see the dusky rose color that suddenly darkened her cheeks.
“So, being friends with me is really all you want?” I asked, watching her closely.
“Yes, of course.” The thoughtful wrinkle in her brow became a notable crease. “Isn’t that what you want?”
“I’d rather show you what I want.” I grabbed her board and pulled her toward me.
“Journey,” she said softly when I had her close and her leg bumped mine.
A bolt of lust rocked me just from that. Her warm breath spilled over my skin as I gently grasped her chin in my hand. Intense attraction like an electrical current surged between us.
Was it two-sided, this need? It had to be with a connection this strong. Did her skin, fuck, her entire body burn the way mine did?
I tipped her face to the height I wanted, forcing her to look at me.
“I want to fuck you again, Lotus, make no mistake.” Even with her breathing out the wrong name a moment ago, my cock was rock hard. “You want that too. Don’t deny it.”
All the signs were there. Her eyes were dark, her lips parted.
“I’m attracted to you,” she said, her voice hoarse. “You’re handsome, and good in bed. Not that I’ve had many lovers . . . fuck buddies, in order to make that comparison, but good is good, and you’re very good at it.” She was rambling, nervous. Her breaths were shortened pants now. “But I told you that already. I say things when maybe I should be silent.”
Her total honesty rocked me once again, a rogue wave slamming into me like seeing her in the audience in LA had.
“I was free to be impulsive in LA,” she said. “I don’t regret it, not totally, but I’d appreciate you keeping silent since Saber doesn’t want to know, and I want to respect his wishes. You should want that too.”
“Why the fuck would I want that?” Puzzled, I frowned at her.
“You’re in a band. Saber’s band. You signed a contract and now you’re committed. No more journeying for Journey. You and the guys are a band family, whether you choose to see them in those terms or not.”
Her gaze flickered with something. Desire, definitely. Disappointment, maybe. And something else that seemed significant that I just couldn’t read.
Once, a long time ago, I would have known exactly what she was thinking. A big part of me still wanted to be that close. No woman had ever intrigued me like she did. But the hard guy I’d become didn’t do relationships or the necessary groundwork to coax thoughts from a woman like Lotus.
These days, I was a man accustomed to taking what I wanted and having it, to hell with the consequences . . . except the consequences were huge here. Her, first and foremost. And she was right—I did have a commitment to the band.
Plus, Saber wasn’t just any band member. He was my brother.
“You’re right,” I said, reluctance making my voice gruff. “Friends it is.”
I pushed her away before I could cross another line with her that I wasn’t certain I could or even wanted to redraw.
Lotus
MY HEART WAS heavy as we prepared to return to Ocean Beach. I loved my hometown. There was nowhere I’d rather live. However, being away for the day had been just the escape I needed, a mini vacation from my responsibilities.
“You really got a good barrel on that last one,” I said to Journey, standing next to him behind the tailgate of his Scout. Side by side, we’d been working together to