“I promise.” I nodded, and he let me go, but I felt his gaze on me as I stepped out of the tub and dried off. I made myself take one step and then another. Outside the bathroom, I grabbed my things, doing what I needed to do but not what I wanted.
As I thought of him, the farther I went away from him, the tighter the cords stretched that wanted to pull me back to him.
Storm
AS SOON AS Lotus was gone, I felt uneasy. Anxious. The apartment was too empty. The air too stuffy. I couldn’t breathe right.
I got dressed, then snagged my mom’s purse and my keys. I texted Cork that I was on my way up to get him. Since he knew my secret, I didn’t see any reason that he couldn’t go with me to see my mom before we went into the studio. Plus, he was part of the steps to implement the plan.
Jogging up the stairs, I felt my heart racing, not from the exertion but anticipating seeing Lotus again. I knocked and turned the knob like I’d done earlier, when I’d surprised Cork and Monique. My not having a key to the apartment was one of many issues that needed to be addressed.
I wanted Lotus with me all the time, and Cork was like a brother. There was no need for two apartments.
“Hello,” I called, glancing around.
“Hey.” Cork emerged from the hall that led to the bedroom. “Is it time to go?”
I nodded. “Is Lotus already gone?”
“Yeah, she popped in for a second. She wanted to check the plants at Ash’s again and ask him for a reference.”
“Good plan.” I wasn’t the only one thinking ahead.
“She’s acting upbeat about getting fired. But I can tell she’s worried.” Cork’s brow creased. “She’s always stressed after paying the rent.”
“Not much left for the rest of the month after that?” I asked. I’d noted the startlingly low amount of food in their refrigerator and pantry.
“Just enough, usually.” He shrugged, just like his sister would.
This was bullshit. Their financial situation was serious until Cork’s check from Ash went into their account. Probably around the same time mine did. But I had years of savings. I wasn’t strapped, and they obviously were.
“Ready?” I turned, ready to get things moving. Cork and I had a lot to talk about, and then I had a lot to do.
“Yeah.”
He followed me, and I waited while he locked up. Then we were on our way down the stairs and to the Scout.
“Was it a tense scene with Saber and your parents last night?” he asked as I backed out of the parking space.
“Oh yeah,” I said.
Cork made a face. “I think deep down, Lotus blames herself for our parents splitting.”
“It’s not her fault. That’s ridiculous.”
“Your parents’ problems aren’t your fault either,” he said quietly.
At the stop sign, I stomped on the brake pedal harder than necessary and glanced at him sharply. I almost told him I didn’t blame myself, but I wondered if that was true. Knowing what I knew now, I did play a part in my mother and Graham’s marriage falling apart.
“Lots of times, gutting it out to stay together is best,” I said, thinking it through. “But in my parents’ instance, staying together was worse than them being apart. The tension between them affected all of us badly. Graham was abusive. My mother should have left him a long time ago.”
“Lotus mentioned your dad came over to your place last night.”
“Yeah.”
“And she still didn’t guess who you are?” He tilted his head to a considering angle.
“No,” I said. “But I’m going to tell her.” I gripped the steering wheel tight and turned.
“When?” he asked.
“Soon as I can.”
And soon couldn’t come soon enough.
I told Cork my plan. Most of it. There were a few parts that were just for her and me.
Cork grinned at me. “I’m totally in. She will be too. You could just tell her now.”
I shook my head. “I messed up not telling her at the beginning. And losing her job, she has too much going on right now.”
I couldn’t take the chance of making another wrong move with Lotus. I’d let my desire for her overrule everything in LA, and then I’d been conflicted when I first came here. I wasn’t conflicted anymore. She needed to know that, see it, feel it in her heart. That meant proving it to her.
“It’s not what others think about you that matters most, but what you think