How much time had passed since he’d called me into his office? I didn’t even know. I didn’t know anything, apparently.
“This isn’t working out. I can’t have an employee who is habitually late, continually distracted on the job, and who can’t follow simple orders in a timely fashion. Get your things. You’re fired.”
“What?” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “No. I’m sorry. I need this job. I just got some unexpected news.”
I swiped the wetness from my cheeks. I hadn’t even felt the tears fall. Relief, joy, I didn’t know which they were, because I didn’t know his motivation. He knew who I was, but why hadn’t Journey . . . Storm . . . wanted me to know who he was?
“I’m not that same person anymore.”
I remembered being afraid when Journey said that, and I was more afraid now. Had he been giving me a clue, a warning, right at the beginning?
“I’m not without sympathy,” Mr. Macari said, oblivious to the fact that I’d tuned him out. “I know your predicament with your brother. But he has a job now, and you’ll need to find yourself another one. I have a business to run, profits to make. This isn’t a charity I’m running here.”
“Okay.” I took off my apron and laid it on the counter. Bending, I retrieved my bag. Lifting my chin and squaring my shoulders, I put one foot in front of the other.
My goal was to leave the bar in a dignified fashion. Focusing on one small achievable goal, instead of the overwhelming parts, was one of the ways I’d managed to get through the unexpected crisis points in my life.
“Lotus.” Tess met me at the door. “You’re upset and unsteady. Let me call Saber.”
“I’m not with Saber anymore.”
“Oh. Well, how about Journey? You two are friends, right?”
“We’re not friends.”
“But—”
“I don’t know what we are,” I said.
I didn’t know what to call what he and I were. Former friends with benefits? Temporary lovers? I felt brittle inside, and cold, like there were sharp shards of ice stacked too high and too precariously inside me.
“I’m just going home. It’s not far. I’ll be okay.”
How many times over the years had I given false platitudes like that? Lots. After my mom took off, after Storm left, after my brother’s accident, after my dad died.
“Okay, Lotus.” Tess gave me a worried frown. “I’ll call you later to check on you.”
Nodding, I turned and moved one foot in front of the other, as if I were in a dream. Before I realized it, I was outside.
The wind whipped angrily around me. Sometimes in the early spring, we got squalls like this from cold fronts coming in off the Pacific. I focused on the familiar, the ocean where the waves churned. But focusing on it failed me. I was all agitated like it was.
But there was an upside. The surf would probably be good tomorrow. Wrapping my arms around myself, I told myself I would be good too. But I didn’t believe it.
Crossing Newport, I arrived at the pier. Not on purpose; it was simply where my feet took me. I wasn’t ready to go home yet. I just didn’t know what else to do.
Taking out my cell, I blinked at the notification flashing for Journey’s voice-mail message and closed my eyes for a second, shaking my head as if to clear it. Not Journey—Storm’s message. After tapping on the message with trembling fingers, I put my phone to my ear.
Listening to his voice made my legs tremble. Remembering his soft touches, slow grins, and gentle manner, I saw it all with a different perspective now. Stunned, I plopped down on the low wall that separated the sidewalk from the sand several feet below.
He sounded like my boyfriend on the message, like Journey. He didn’t sound like Storm, even though I knew in my heart that’s who he was.
It was so obvious now why I’d been so drawn to him from the very beginning. My spirit recognized his. The same things I’d loved about him from our youth remained, but now there was also a physical connection—a deep, undeniable one.
I squeezed my eyes shut. To me it felt deep and undeniable, but how did it feel to him?
What am I to him?
I opened my eyes. The turbulent ocean in front of me blurred behind the tears that filled my eyes. I knew the answer even before he called my name.