My old man was a bully and a coward. He covered up those traits with animosity and bluster, but that was what he was.
I started to pop off to him like I always used to, but stopped myself.
I’d made my break from him, gotten away from his abuse. Although I’d been scared and lonely, I’d made it all on my own. There was tremendous value in the experience and knowledge I’d gained. And now, I could lend it and my strength to my sweet, beautiful Lotus. Be the man she needed me to be. Though she had strength of her own, for sure, I regretted that she’d had to find it apart from me.
Thinking of her, I rethought everything. In my mind’s eye, I saw a bigger, global view with connections I’d never made before. There was a pattern.
Saber as a kid defending me. Me defending Lotus.
I modeled some of the good I’d seen. Lotus shared all she had with me.
Caring should never be dismissed. Lotus was absolutely right.
My brother’s good example, even if not consistent, and Lotus’s kindness and sharing—those things had made a difference. All the difference, really, both for her and for me.
Abuse at my house. Abandonment in hers.
Lotus and I had broken the cycle, each in our own way. But we were kids then, and now we were grown.
Being who I was now, I realized I could step in and defend my mother, but if I did, there was a good chance she’d fall back into the same pattern. The better choice would be to encourage her. I could support her, but I needed to allow her the privilege of learning the same lessons I had, finding her own strength in defending herself.
“I’m back, Mom.” I shifted, placing my arm around her shoulder. “I’m here if you need me.” Glancing at my brother, I said, “Saber is here to help you too.”
“Absolutely,” he said, throwing his arm around our mom from his side.
It felt good, really good, to be united in our support of her.
“It’s done, Graham,” Mom said, firming her shoulders. “Over.”
I noted her words. They were like the ones I’d spoken that had set me free.
She lifted her chin. “I’m filing for divorce. From now on, you talk to me through my lawyer.”
His jaw dropping, Graham Hardy seemed to shrink before my eyes.
“Awesome, Mom.” I turned away from him to focus on her. “I’m proud of you standing up for yourself.”
As I led her to the Scout, she seemed a bit dazed. I opened the door and helped her get in. Saber took her bag, and his eyes met mine briefly. They were wet with emotion and overflowing with questions, but for now, he held them in. My accounting with him and with others would come, but for now, our mother was our priority.
“This is all your fault,” Graham shouted at my back.
Ah, so he wasn’t done being an asshole. I should have known.
I whirled around. My mother had done what she needed to do. Now it was my turn, and I let him have it—for me, for my mom and my brothers, for all those who got knocked around by tyrants like him.
“No, old man, this is all your own doing.” Crossing to him, I picked him up by his impeccably ironed Navy T-shirt and set him aside. Wrinkling his shirt gave me a surge of satisfaction, but I resisted doing more.
His lips curled back from his teeth in a snarl. “You’ll regret this.”
I didn’t acknowledge him. I regretted not noticing that my mother and my brothers were in their own ways as fucked up by him as I was. I regretted how long I’d stayed away from OB. I regretted keeping my identity from Lotus.
Yeah, I had regrets, but calling Graham Hardy out on his bullshit wasn’t one of them.
“I’ll make you rue the day you came back,” Graham spat out at me as I walked away.
As I climbed in the Scout and closed my door, I noticed that his hands were clenched into fists. But they were clenched on a big bunch of nothing, and I wasn’t afraid of him anymore.
“Done being intimidated by you, old man,” I said firmly over my shoulder, meaning every word of it. “All of us are.”
The war wasn’t over. There would be more battles to fight. But the sweet reward of Lotus filled my mind, keeping me from further interaction on this one.
I was angry, a product of my environment. No matter how far I