Storm Born Page 0,117

me crave more, almost made me beg for it, and yet that angry part in the back of my mind was screaming again. It told me if I made this choice, if I deliberately chose to do this with him, then I was giving in to the enemy. I didn't really know who that enemy was exactly, but it didn't matter. The instinct pulsed through me, defensive and afraid. It warred against the rest of me, against my body's needs and even against my own conscious wishes. I knew and liked Dorian. Why couldn't I overcome that base fear? In some ways, the fear was titillating. I had a feeling if I could just get over that first crest of difficulty, the problems would go away.

But damn it, that was a high peak to get over.

And like last time, Dorian could feel my reluctance. He broke our embrace, almost jerking away from me. Before he turned his face from mine, I saw emotions I'd never seen before. Frustration. Unhappiness.

"Dorian..." I said. "Dorian...I'm so sorry..."

He rubbed his face with both hands and exhaled. His voice was flat when he spoke. "It's late, Eugenie. Too late for you to leave." He stood up and stretched, and when he finally turned around, he'd once more cleared his face of its dark expression. His cheerful countenance was also missing; he simply looked tired. "I'll take the sofa in the parlor; you stay on the bed."

"No, I - "

He gestured me off as he walked into the other room without a backward glance, saying only, "Take it. It'll be the best night of sleep you've ever had."

Elaborate French doors connected the two rooms. He closed them, leaving me to my own misery.

I sat on his massive bed, attempting to sort out a tangle of warring emotions. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I make this work? I'd slept with guys I liked a lot less than Dorian. Why couldn't I cross this last line? Why keep fighting it?

I blew out all the candles and torches in the room before taking off my jeans and sliding under the covers. Dorian was right. This had to be the most comfortable bed I'd ever been in. Unfortunately, there was no way I could sleep. I kept thinking about my magical elation, alleged desire, and subsequent breakdown. My body wanted him. My mind did too. Only my instincts still fought it.

The world's most comfortable bed must have felt insulted over all the tossing and turning that followed. At least its size gave me all the fidgeting room I could want. My eyes grew accustomed to the darkness very quickly, and I could discern the shapes of furniture and corners in the partial moonlight. Outside the giant window, stars glittered - thousands more than I'd seen the night with the astronomers. We'd lost the stars in the human world, despite our success in reaching them. Humans and gentry were almost like two sides of a coin, each supplying what the other lacked.

The answer to my problems with Dorian was a long time in coming, but come it did. It was still pitch black when I finally got up and padded into the adjoining room. The doors opened silently, and I paused upon reaching him. He couldn't quite fit on the sofa, so his legs dangled off the end. He still wore the same clothes and had pulled a flimsy throw blanket over his body. He faced the direction I stood, eyes closed. One hand draped above him, and his hair spilled onto his cheek, its fiery color indiscernible in the poor lighting.

He was a king, with thousands of people who answered to him, yet he lay crammed onto this couch because of me. I had hurt someone I didn't think could be hurt. I stood there thinking about this in the still, dark room before finally kneeling down beside him.

I tentatively reached out a hand, but his eyes opened before I made contact. "What's the matter?" he asked. He sounded alert, concerned.

I couldn't talk right away. Silence pooled as thick as the blackness around us. He neither spoke nor moved as I deliberated; he simply watched and waited.

"I want you to tie me up."

That was the great thing about Dorian. Most people would have hesitated or asked questions. Not him. He followed me out to the other room and promptly retrieved the same sashes he'd used earlier in the chair.

I settled on the bed, unsure where to position my