I’d do what Travis asked; tomorrow I’d remove the jeering reminder of what we no longer had. First thing Monday, I’d file for divorce. I’d put off the inevitable long enough. He wasn’t mine anymore.
The moment we returned to the car Travis hissed, “Why didn’t you tell me about Anna?”
“I thought you knew.” What else didn’t he know? What else didn’t I know?
Air rushed out of him. “Never mind. It’s not like we were talking at the time, but at least you should have warned me before I came face to face with the grieving widower.”
I’d never been accused of being overly sensitive. Still, I’d plunged to an all-time low. “I’m really sorry about not telling you we were going to Frank’s. You needed a suit; he’s the first person who came to mind. I’m also sorry about Anna.”
“I made peace with Frank.” Travis continued staring out the window. “I’ll say my goodbyes to Anna later. He told me where she’s buried.”
I couldn’t go back in time and do the right thing now. “I’m still sorry.” In the near future I’d apologize to Frank, too.
“Don’t be. Regrets are a waste of time and accomplish nothing.” Spoken like a man with lots of experience.
Glancing at Travis as we drove across town, on what we’d once have considered a date, I couldn’t help remembering all the great times we’d spent together. In the old days we’d dine, dance, then go home and make love until dawn. Home. My home. Not Travis’s. And I wouldn’t take Travis there tonight. I couldn’t. We’d stay at his apartment—if I couldn’t wriggle my way out of staying the night. What purpose could a night together possibly serve?
He seemed to have done his best to style his hair, and if we’d had more time, I’d have taken him for a trim. What could I say? He was out with me, he should be presentable. But Winston’s granted us a table on short notice on good graces. We’d best show up on time.
A few raised eyebrows greeted us, from staff who’d known Travis as my husband but were too discreet to ask why he no longer joined Bob and me for dinner. The maître d escorted us to an out of the way table. Fine linen, candlelight, and sumptuous aromas all combined to take me back in time, to a birthday, an anniversary, or just a night out. Our anniversary. Spent at the place that had borne witness to many important events in our shared past.
Travis stared at a passing waiter’s laden tray. The yearning on his face nearly broke my heart. How long had it been since he’d eaten a good meal?
Ice formed around my heart, driving back charitable thoughts. He could have these things still. Did he hate me so badly that living in deplorable conditions seemed preferable? Yet, even if he didn’t want me, a competent lawyer could have secured him a good portion of the assets we’d built up in our time together—enough cash to make his life very easy. At one time I’d known the man as well as my right hand. Now, though, I had no idea what made him tick. No need to know now, if I’d soon legally wipe him out of my life.
The flickering candlelight cast shadows across his face and gleamed off strands of white in his hair that I’d never noticed before—not that my own hair wasn’t more salt than pepper these days. On my next birthday I’d turn fifty. Up until two years ago I’d believed Travis would help me celebrate.
He fiddled with the napkin lying on the table, staring as if he believed the linen square held the secrets to the universe. “I want to thank you for doing this,” he said, eyes not meeting my own. “You don’t owe me anything, after all.”
Don’t owe me anything. This man had raised my son, kept our home fires burning even when I’d worked late into the night, whipped up dinner for unexpected guests with nary a complaint, and always, always, welcomed me home with a kiss.
“Can I get the lobster bisque?” Travis appeared so lost, like a small child honestly expecting to be denied. Even now, in the role of jilted husband, I could never deny him anything.
I made up my mind then and there. Whatever stood behind us didn’t exist tonight. In that moment, I was with my husband, and I’d make the most of our evening. Tomorrow? Tomorrow I’d do what I had to.