The Stone Sky (The Broken Earth, #3) - N. K. Jemisin Page 0,131

can see on its surface things that might be craters. You’ve traveled across craters. The craters on the Moon are big enough to see from here, big enough to take years to cross on foot, and that tells you the whole thing is incomprehensibly huge.

“Fuck,” says Danel, which makes you drag your eyes from the sky. She’s on her hands and knees, as if clinging to the ground and grateful for its solidity. Maybe she’s regretting her choice of duty now, or maybe she just didn’t understand before this that being a lorist could be fully as awful and dangerous as being a general. “Fuck! Fuck.”

“That’s it, then.” Tonkee. She’s staring up at the Moon, too.

You turn to see Lerna’s reaction, and—

Lerna. The space beside you, where he held on to you, is empty.

“I didn’t expect the attack,” Hoa says. You can’t turn to him. Can’t turn away from the empty space where Lerna should be. Hoa’s voice is its usual inflectionless, hollow tenor—but is he shaken? Shocked? You don’t want him to be shocked. You want him to say something like, But of course I was able to keep everyone safe, Lerna is just over there, don’t worry.

Instead he says, “I should have guessed. The factions that don’t want peace …” He trails off. Falls silent, just like an ordinary person who is at a loss for words.

“Lerna.” That last jolt. The one you thought was a near miss.

It isn’t what should have happened. You’re the one nobly sacrificing yourself for the future of the world. He was supposed to survive this.

“What about him?” That’s Hjarka, who’s standing but bent over with hands on her knees, as if she’s thinking about throwing up. Tonkee’s rubbing the small of her back as if this will somehow help, but Hjarka’s attention is on you. She’s frowning, and you see the moment when she realizes what you’re talking about, and her expression melts into shock.

You feel … numb. Not the usual non-feeling that comes of you being halfway to a statue. This is different. This is—

“I didn’t even think I loved him,” you murmur.

Hjarka winces, but then makes herself straighten and take a deep breath. “All of us knew this might be a one-way trip.”

You shake your head in … confusion? “He’s … he was … so much younger than me.” You expected him to outlive you. That’s how it was supposed to work. You’re supposed to die feeling guilty for leaving him behind and killing his unborn child. He’s supposed to—

“Hey.” Hjarka’s voice sharpens. You know that look on her face now, though. It’s a Leadership look, or one reminding you that you are the leader here. But that’s right, isn’t it? You’re the one who’s running this little expedition. You’re the one who didn’t make Lerna, or any of them, stay home. You’re the one who didn’t have the courage to do this by yourself the way you damn well should have, if you really didn’t want them hurt. Lerna’s death is on you, not Hoa.

You look away from them and involuntarily reach for the stump of your arm. This is irrational. You’re expecting battle wounds, scorch marks, something else to show that Lerna was lost. But it’s fine. You’re fine. You look back at the others; they’re all fine, too, because battles with stone eaters aren’t things that anyone walks away from with mere flesh wounds.

“It’s prewar.” While you stand there bereft, Tonkee has half turned away from Hjarka, which is a problem because Hjarka’s currently leaning on her. Hjarka grumbles and hooks an arm around Tonkee’s neck to keep her in place. Tonkee doesn’t seem to notice, so wide are her eyes as she looks around. “Evil, eating Earth, look at this place. Completely intact! Not hidden at all, no defensive structuring or camouflage, but then not nearly enough green space to make this place self-sufficient …” She blinks. “They would’ve needed regular supply shipments to survive. The place isn’t built for survival. That means it’s from before the Enemy!” She blinks. “The people here must have come from the Stillness. Maybe there’s some means of transportation around here that we haven’t seen yet.” She subsides into thought, muttering to herself as she crouches to finger the substance of the ground.

You don’t care. But you don’t have time to mourn Lerna or hate yourself, not now. Hjarka’s right. You have a job to do.

And you’ve seen the other things in the sky besides the Moon—the dozens of obelisks