dreams he heard me, because his fingers tightened around mine right before I drifted off to sleep.
Imogen
I had hoped when I awoke that I’d find Ronan with me. But it was Killian who was perched on the end of the bed when I opened my eyes.
My head was fuzzy and my eyes dry like they usually were after I lamented. Next to the bed was a glass of water. Condensation beaded along the sides, and I took a deep drink.
“Thank you.” My voice was hoarse, but the water went a long way toward soothing it.
“Ronan slept here last night after you lamented.”
I’d just taken another sip and choked on the water. What—exactly—had Ronan told him? When I could speak again, I replied. “We both fell asleep.”
Killian pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Do you know the last time I slept? Really slept?” As he spoke, his voice got louder and sharper. “Weeks, Imogen. And, even when I do sleep, nightmares invade every moment.”
I didn’t understand. Was he angry Ronan had stayed with me last night? Or that Ronan slept while he hadn’t?
Or did he think I had done something to him?
After yesterday with all of them, and my time with Ronan last night where we came to—not an understanding, but something close to it—I was afraid to ask.
He dropped his hands and shook his head. “I’m going crazy here. I can’t sleep. I have an entire kingdom I have to think about. Not only that, I have to fight to keep it. And—news flash—I can barely string two words together right now, let alone keep a spell in my head or fight a challenger. Fuck me.”
He stood and started toward the door, but I beat him to it. Before he could open it, I slid in front of him, back to the door, and shook my head. “Ohhhhh, no. You don’t get to lay all of that on me and then take off.”
His hands were fisted at his sides, and I took them in mine. “Killian.”
He stared at me, blue eyes flashing gold then icy blue again. “I don’t know if I can hold onto Tuatha,” he whispered.
“I know.” The amount of pressure he was facing was immeasurable. “I want to help. You can trust me. Tell me what to do.”
Slowly, he relaxed his hands until he held mine. “It’s just…” He searched for the word, something I’d never seen him do before. “It just sucks. I don’t trust myself. One minute, I’m certain all of this garbage inside my head is from the stress of the tournament. The next, I’m certain it’s someone trying to drive me mad. I tell myself you’re not that person. You wouldn’t hurt me. My brain feels like it’s tearing itself in half.”
My heart hurt for him. I knew what it was like when the world shifted under your feet and everything you’d once believed disintegrated.
“Even if you don’t trust yourself, Killian—even if you can’t trust your own mind—you can always trust your brothers. They will never do anything to hurt you.
“The three of you are meant to rule Tuatha. Your father was a just and fair king, and he raised you all to be the same. I trust Flynn and Ronan. And I trust you, Killian.” In that moment, I forgot about everything that had happened. I forgot about NP and that my throat still ached from lamenting the dead. All I thought about was this man who I’d spent my life in love with. He was hurting and doubting himself, and I wanted to lift him up.
“You shouldn’t,” he replied, darkly. His entire countenance changed, suddenly reminding me of the king. His blue eyes went dark, and he drew his brows down low over his eyes. Letting go of my hands, he stepped away.
I stood there, unsure of what to do next. I should probably get ready, though I didn’t know for what. As the thought occurred to me, a door appeared in the wall. Ah, yes. The bathroom of necessity. “I’m going to…” I gestured toward the door.
“I’ll wait for you here,” he replied.
“Why?” He clearly didn’t need my help, want to hear my opinions, or even be around me.
“We’re training today. You might as well see what I’m talking about.”
He was still in my room when I came out of the bathroom. I found new clothes in the bathroom of necessity, but my hair dripped water over my shoulders. I ignored him as I went to the