No one does. They all learn I'm not worth it eventually. Even the Reaper who made me grew tired of smashing me to pieces.
Lips moved on mine as words sank inside. “You don't get to choose for me, remember? You don't get to dictate my heart.”
His warm breath disappeared for a moment while he fumbled with my limp arm. Placing my hand against his chest, he asked, “Feel that? It's breaking. Come on, Zella. Let me see you.”
Maybe they will go away if I give them what they want.
My eyes opened, and a blurry Axton was so close that he appeared even mushier. Except, I could clearly see the black orbs that mirrored my never-ending pools of pain. A sheen coated them before they pulled away and were replaced by another black pair and a blue pair that spilled tears as easily as mine.
Something twinged inside, in what was left of my heart. The worry, hurt, and fear flushed away any peace I'd found. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out as the caustic emotions sizzled and grew.
When Kian pressed his lips to my cheek and whispered a Fae word that tickled my memories, foreign feelings barreled through me. My body sagged as all of the pain fell away and was replaced with a warm sensation that covered everything.
“I'm sorry,” I slurred as I tried to lift my hand to touch him. “I'm sorry.”
Missing his face, my hand felt disconnected as it flopped around. I tried again, needing to touch him. My mind couldn't decide if I only wanted to hurry them away, to save them from myself, or if the feel of his skin could repair something.
Foolish thoughts, all of them. No one could save me, and they didn't appear to want to protect themselves, either. A bitter laugh slipped out and became hysterical as I realized that Master Akai failed at something. He'd claimed that everything he'd put me through was to stop the poison that circled me, but he'd only enhanced it. He didn't get to pretend to be the good guy in our relationship.
Anger burned through me, eating away at the tabs' effects, so I gathered it up. When I pushed it into my well with so much force, it caused the sleeping monster to bob to the surface. Faint voices tried to pull me away, but I took a moment to study the thing, the gift from my unknown father.
Floating there, it appeared helpless and banal. I knew better. After all, I suffered the effects of its temper constantly. Still, for an instant, a sense of kinship rushed through me, and my eyes burned.
No. I hurried away, withdrawing quickly enough that it pinched inside my head and left a throb that beat like fists on a cage.
When I returned to reality, my body swayed as it was carried. My hands shoved at whoever had me in their grip. Don't touch me. Save yourself.
We separated as they placed me on a bed. Cold air covered me, forcing me to shiver. Come back. I'm so fucking lonely. Please don't leave.
My hands reached out, grasping at air as tears welled up and spilled. They disappeared into my hair, hiding themselves. My arms fell, hands empty as always. I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.
The bed dipped as someone climbed onto it and settled at my back.
“Zella, you're too still. Move for me. Just a little,” they whispered.
I rolled over.
“Please, Zella. Show me that you're still in there.”
I moved. Didn't I?
As another warmer body pulled my arm over him, I realized I hadn't. Clinking in the background drew my attention for a moment before a tear splashed on my forehead.
Knives slashed in my gut, but for once, it wasn't my monster causing the pain. It was me. Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't the universe let me start over? I don't want to fight anymore.
Kian murmured, “Why won't you let us take some of the pain?”
Because I only cause it. Because Grims might be able to help the dead, but they couldn't help those that were dying every moment. Because there wasn't an end to it, and piecing it out would only increase its grip.
Axton squeezed me tighter, and another, bigger hand laid on me, resting on my hip.
“It's okay. Rest,” Axton commanded, his voice strained.
I'm sorry.
Chapter Nine
Agony twisted through me, assaulting every fiber of my being. It compelled me, controlled me as I jerked up in the bed. Air became a fantasy that no