plopping my ass back down, still struggling to fill my lungs.
“Strength, Zella. You needed immense control and enough strength to play host to whatever it is without giving in to the creature's temptation. Your father and his kin used it, but they were secretive about how they maintained a balance, she claimed. I also needed you to be more capable than the other Grims, and eventually, I hoped to quell this.” He gestured at nothing with his hand, waving it in a circle. “Your penchant to flout the rules, to always push beyond, to destroy order. It's disturbing. It will get you killed. It almost did get you killed, remember?”
His delivery reminded me of the corrections I received in my early training with him. It held no emotion, and of course, I couldn't sense anything coming from him. The entire speech seemed cold, dispassionate to a nauseating level.
When he raised an eyebrow, I answered, “Yes, Master Akai.”
“I am aware that you think I am cruel, that I enjoyed being so harsh on you. At least you are alive to believe that.” He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, moving away from the talk of those long dead and wrongdoings. “What happened on the binal of your sentencing? Did the thing take over? Did you allow it? How did you push it away? Is your soul intact, or has it been damaged?”
His rapid-fire questions forced me to pick through them carefully.
“My soul is as it was before, whole, and I am in control of myself.” That would be all I gave. If he pressed, the only answers he would get would be partial, useless strings of words.
Thankfully, he didn't push and instead nodded before leaning back, though he undoubtedly read into what I didn't say. I wished he would leave, so I could have time to comprehend what he'd revealed. I couldn't concentrate on anything except him, not after he'd already admonished me once without punishment. And I had questions of my own that I had to slip in at the right moment.
A wave of cold scurried around my head as Shadow tried to cool my heated skin. I sent her an image of curling up around my neck, hoping that she would be still so I could focus.
Fuck it. I opened my mouth to demand answers. A cold sweat broke out across my body as sense kicked in. No, I can't.
But he knows more. Maybe it would be worth the pain.
Before my wants overwhelmed my safety, he redirected the conversation.
“Are the tabs still working?”
I nodded, unsure of his response if I revealed that their effects were growing weaker.
“Good. Continue with them. There is far more to this Earth mess than you know. Trust nothing. Memorize that,” he instructed as he pointed at the papers on the table.
He stood, and I twisted in my seat as I watched him float towards the door.
When he laid his hand on the knob, he paused, and without turning to look at me, he said, “You should have run, Zella. You should have never come back.”
As a familiar and sickening pain pulverized my heart, he slipped outside, closing the door behind him, leaving no evidence he'd been there. Except for the reinforcements in the wall around me.
That he could still hurt me after the lifetime of torture he had forced me to endure enraged me. I didn't even notice Shadow jumping away from me as I hopped up and grabbed his mug from the table. The crashing sound it made when it broke against the blue walls only alleviated the ache for an instant.
Then it came rushing back in, the cutting more forceful for the absence, even as short as it was. I nearly tore my pocket as I jabbed my hand in, searching for the tabs that would take it away.
The container finally came free after my fumbling and yanking, but I couldn't get the top off. Fucking Con and his new containers. I struggled with it until I beat it on the table, and the pressure inside me escaped. My eyes leaked, and air rushed through my throat, scraping against the tender flesh in its eagerness to abandon me.
The sound of my invisible chains to the Reaper that raised me echoed through the empty unit, crushing me every time it pushed back. I screamed even after the top popped off, spraying my tabs everywhere. I screamed until I couldn't stand any longer and fell to my knees. The tears continued silently, as if