Stay Gold - Tobly McSmith Page 0,76

you are straight. You like guys, and I’m a guy. Body parts don’t define the gender, the person does.”

“But everyone at school won’t know that,” I counter.

“Who cares what people think?”

“I do. I need to look after my image,” I say.

“Image?” he scoffs. “This is high school, not Hollywood.”

I run my hand through my hair. He’s right. But I made my choice. Pony collects the poster boards and looks at me with hate in his eyes. “So, this is it?” I ask.

“Yeah, this is it,” he says, then walks off for the second time. And again, I don’t stop him.

Before I can go back inside, Mia and Lauren come outside. “Pony? Georgia, really?” Mia says, taking a seat on the patio couch. Lauren does the same.

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Come sit down,” she demands. My heart feels like it has been cracked open. I want them to leave so I can curl into a ball and wake up next year. I hop up on the patio railing. Mia continues, “Girls, this article. Georgia and this Pony guy? The secret lesbian?” She stops and shakes her head. “We are out of control.”

“What do we do?” Lauren asks. I watch the sun setting behind my neighbor’s house and think of Pony. I want him in my life.

Mia stands up. “Monday morning, I’m going to the principal about the article.”

I’m about to explain why that’s unnecessary, but she’s already off to her Mustang with Lauren trailing behind her. Thanks for stopping by?

IPHONES, 11:18 P.M.

ROCKY: JUST LANDED. BACK IN NYC. THANK GODDESS.

PONY: Did you kiss the tarmac?

ROCKY: Not this time.

ROCKY: HOW DID IT GO

PONY: Bad

ROCKY: How bad?

PONY: Bad bad bad

PONY: She said no.

ROCKY: Ugh. I’m sorry Pony

PONY: I don’t get it.

PONY: Rocky your advice is always right. And this time I listen, and it’s wrong?

ROCKY: Oh Pony

ROCKY: You were a smitten kitten

ROCKY: You needed the truth. Good or bad.

PONY: I could have facetimed her for that

ROCKY: Go big or go home, I think that was your idea . . .

ROCKY: You had to try. That’s all we can ever do

PONY: She says it’s because I’m trans

ROCKY: That’s going to happen

ROCKY: You need to be tough about that

PONY: Easy to say

ROCKY: When your heart breaks, my heart breaks

ROCKY: You needed an answer, and you got it.

ROCKY: Just because it didn’t end happily doesn’t mean I was wrong.

ROCKY: Sometimes the ending isn’t happy

ROCKY: Be sad and then put on your big boy pants and move on

ROCKY: Pony?

SEVENTEEN

Sunday, October 20

PONY, 2:10 P.M.

On days like today, I think about it. Would I have the balls to actually do it? I would hate to add to the statistics on the posters in the LGBTQIA Center, but when things get hard, that’s where I go. And right now, ending my life feels like the only way out of this body.

And that scares me. My family would be so sad—not Dad—but my mom and sister. They are the reason I don’t think about doing it more.

Who knows what happens when you do die, but I like to believe in reincarnation. That way, I have a shot at coming back in the right body. And I’ll never get rejected like I did last night. I can hear Max in my head saying, I told you so, bro. I wish I could hear him saying it to my face. I miss him.

Rocky was right: I needed to know the truth.

I get my ass to Ted London’s to bury all my troubles in his piles of crap. I walk in with my large coffee and am immediately greeted by Victor, more anxious than his usual anxiousness. “Pony! Be quiet! Hush hush hush!”

“Will do,” I say in a whisper. “Why?”

“Mr. London has a guest!”

This is unusual. He hasn’t had a guest in months, or ever maybe? At least not while I have been here, though by the looks of Victor, I’m guessing this doesn’t happen often.

“His name is Lee!”

My heart drops into my stomach. “Lee Grayson?” I ask.

“Yesssss,” Victor whisper-sings, and then continues down the hall damn near skipping.

I hit the bathroom and shut the door. I feel a panic attack creeping in. Maybe I should get out of here? Ted London will be angry. I put my hands on the sink and look at myself in the mirror. There’s a good chance he will fire me.

“Mr. Pony,” Victor says from the other side of the bathroom door.

“Ted wants to see me?” I yell back.

“How did you know?”

A couple minutes later, I take a deep breath