Starting From Here (Starting From #3) - Lane Hayes Page 0,97
I’d heard a million times. “You tied the pencils in a ribbon and gave them to her with a bouquet of daisies.”
“Worked like a charm.” Dad beamed at me. “I haven’t patented that move yet. Give it a try.”
I barked a quick laugh. “Dad, I think you’re steering me wrong. If I give a guy a bunch of pencils, he’s going to think I’m nuts.”
“The right one won’t.”
“We’ve done this a few times, haven’t we? I’m still scarred from our ‘birds and the bees’ chat,” I griped without heat.
“That’s my job. Chief Embarrassment Officer Dad at your service.” He chuckled.
“Right.”
He hummed to himself for a few minutes then asked, “Anyone you’re interested in? What about Declan?”
I swallowed hard and stared at the dart board on the wall. “What about him?”
“Nothing. We like him. That’s all.”
“Me too.”
“Pencils work.”
I laughed. “Dad…”
“Never mind me. Are you leaving soon?”
“Yeah. Can you handle it from here?”
He tossed a sardonic grin my way. “I’ll manage. Be sure to say good-bye to Mom on your way out.”
I nodded in agreement and waved before heading for the house. I found her in the kitchen, filling the kettle. “What are you doing up?”
“I couldn’t lay around all day. And I fancied some tea. Would you like a cup?”
“Um…” Stalling, stalling. “Sure. Let me do it.”
“No way. This is all mine. Take a seat and tell me your troubles,” she singsonged.
“I’m fine,” I grumbled but obeyed.
“No, you’re not. Tell me all about it. Don’t make me guess. My head hurts.”
I furrowed my brow. “It does?”
Mom patted my hand as she set a mug in front of me. “A little, but I’m okay.”
“I worry about you,” I said unthinking.
She poured water over the tea bag, then tended to her own cup before joining me at the island. “I know you do. I’m not ready to die, but it’s occurred to me that life isn’t happening on my terms. I may not get a say in how long I’m here. And I have two choices. I can be angry for what I might miss when I’m gone, or I can be grateful for what I have right here and now. I choose gratitude.”
“That’s good.”
“It is. I married the love of my life, we have a beautiful family, and a beautiful life. I’m grateful I took a few chances. I hope you do too.” She nudged my shoulder and smiled. “I know you do. You play an instrument in front of hundreds of strangers. Sharing your talent is very brave. But sharing your heart…oh boy, that’s tough.”
“Mom…”
“I know, I know. I can’t help myself. Indulge me for a moment, and let me get nosy. You’re hurting. Who is it? Declan?”
I stared at my tea for a long moment, then nodded. “Yeah.”
“Will you be angry if I tell you I know what happened?”
I did a double take. “Huh?”
“Tegan, I follow you online. I’ve been reading all the posts on the interweb. I’ve seen every photo, and I waded through the nonsense pretty darn fast.”
“You’ve been following me online?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course! I always have. I know about the band of gypsies and how Zero got together. And you told me about pretending to be boyfriends for publicity, but…you fell in love with him, didn’t you.”
It was a statement, not a question. I nodded. “Yeah.”
“And Declan doesn’t feel the same?” she asked carefully.
“He does.”
Mom frowned. “Then what’s wrong?”
I couldn’t speak at first. My thoughts were jumbled. “If I hold on to him, I’m gonna lose him. I can’t lose him, Mom.”
“Mmm. You’re afraid.”
“Yeah, I’m afraid. I’m very afraid of losing the people I care about the most. I’m terrified. He’s always been there. Always. We’re good friends, we were good at being enemies, but forever would hold him back. I can’t do that to him.”
“I hate to be the one to tell you this, honey…but if you’re afraid to lose, you’ll never win. You have to be brave, Tegan. There’s no other way.”
Brave.
I thought I was brave. I wasn’t. I was scared out of my mind. Afraid to lose, afraid to come in second. Not taking a chance sounded worse than failure. But there was more.
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I’m afraid to lose you too, Ma. Really, really scared.”
“I know. And I don’t know what to tell you. I want to assure you that I’ll be around for another fifty odd years, but I’m human. Every day is a gift.” She set her hand over mine.