The ship was pitching through heavy weather again.
Bilge water swamped his legs as it washed from one side to the other, causing the rats to scurry over him as the hull creaked and banged in distress.
Ash lay in the darkness beyond time and place. In his mind, words formed as though they were being spoken aloud.
He was having a conversation with his dead apprentice.
I don’t understand, Nico insisted. You told me once how the R shun don’t believe in personal revenge. That it goes against their code.
Yes Nico. I did.
Yet here you are.
Yet here I am.
So you are no longer R shun then?
He shied away from answering. He hardly wished to dwell on it just then.
You can’t bring me back, you know, said Nico. Even if you kill her, I’ll still be gone.
‘I know that, boy,’ Ash replied aloud to the black echoing space, scattering the rats from him.
Nico fell silent for a time. Ash rocked with the violent motions of the ship, bracing himself with his hands and feet, trying to calm himself.
Tell me, master Ash, came Nico’s voice again. What was it that you did before you became R shun?
What I did?
Yes.
I was a soldier. A revolutionary.
You never wanted to follow a different path? A farmer, perhaps? A drunken owner of a country inn?
Of course, Ash replied.
Which one?
I am tired, Nico. You ask many too questions.
Only because I know so little about you.
A sudden sharp tilt of the ship pressed Ash against the hull, though he barely noticed it. He spat brine, wiped his face dry, glared back into the darkness.
Before I was a soldier I raised hunting dogs for a time. We lived in our cottage, my wife and son. I tried to be a good husband, a good father, that is all.
And were you?
Ash snorted. Hardly. I made a better soldier than I ever did a husband and father. I was good at killing. And getting others killed.’
You’re too hard on yourself. I knew you to be much more than a killer. Your heart is kind.
‘You do not know me, boy,’ snapped Ash. ‘You cannot say such things to me, not now, not ever.’
The freezing water washed over his head once again, shocking him into the present. Ash floundered for a moment, puffing his cheeks in and out as he fought for a breath. He clutched the ledge he lay upon and heard the rats squealing in terror. Moments passed as he lay there panting.
He wondered if Nico was still with him.
‘Boy,’ he croaked.
In the blackness, the sound of the handpumps could be heard drawing water from the bilge up to the decks above. It was hard to talk above the noise.
‘Nico!’ he shouted.
I’m here, I’m here.
‘Tell me something. Anything. Take my mind from these things.’
What would you like to know?
‘Anything. Tell me what you wished to be before you became my apprentice.’
Me? I suppose a soldier, like my father. Though I had a dream of being an actor for a while. Travelling the islands, performing for my living.
Ash sat up, tried to wedge himself tighter against the tilting hull. ‘I did not know that,’ he confessed.
No. You never asked me.
The bilge water was crashing around as waves now. The rats squealed ever louder.
‘You should have left, Nico, back in Q’os,’ Ash shouted as he shook the water from his face. ‘When you returned that evening and told me of your doubts. You should have left me!’
I know, said Nico. But I couldn’t.
‘Why not?’
A thoughtful silence followed, then a quiet voice that he clearly heard amidst the noise.
Because you needed me.
It was a storm, and a bad one. The hull banged with the violent impacts of crashing water, and creaked and groaned as its prow lifted free from the crests of waves then dropped shuddering into the deepening troughs. Stinging seawater poured into the bilge from gaps in the planking above his head. His boots and clothing were drenched through. His cloak was belted tight around his waist, along with his sword.
His ears hurt from the noise of the storm. Through it all, Ash could hear men running and shouting in panic overhead.
He tried to cling to the side of the hull but it was hopeless. Soon he was swirling about with the struggling rats in bilge water that had now risen up to his stomach.
Ash realized how desperate the situation was when he heard the rats pattering up the walls to escape the bilge entirely. Perhaps he should have followed their