A shy smile. ‘Nothing,’ he told him, shaking his head.
‘I should tell you, they were talking about you this morning in the Perch, when I was doing my rounds with my bowl. They said a rich farlander with a sword had come to drink away his sorrows. They thought you had thrown yourself into the sea last night.’
‘I am sorry to disappoint them’
‘They were only showing their concern for you. The people are like that here. You know, I thought at first you were only hungover from drink. But now I have had a proper look at you, I think you are truly unwell. Is there something that afflicts you, my friend?’
‘Yes. The curiosity of others.’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Meer. ‘I don’t mean to pry.’
The words struck a chord with Ash. He was being rude to his host, he could see. He might be dead from exposure if it weren’t for this generous stranger.
‘I have an illness,’ he admitted. ‘My father died from the same thing, after the pains in his head grew so bad he could not see. It grows worse in me.’
‘I see. Then perhaps I can help you with those head pains. I know of a few remedies. I could make a special brew of chee for you, if you like?’
He nodded, not entirely convinced.
‘But there is something else, no?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Something that troubles your spirit, I think.’
Ash tried to calm his thumping heart.
‘It is hard to talk of this, yes?’
He could only nod. Something was building within him. Something needing to be released.
It took Ash a long breath before he could speak. ‘I lost someone,’ he said at last. ‘A person close to me.’
With feeling, Meer nodded. Just then he reminded Ash of Pau-sin back in his home village of Asa, the little monk who would listen to the villagers’ problems without judgement, only sympathy. He had a way of drawing out words from the heart too.
‘Yes?’ prompted the monk.
‘Now, all that is left of the boy are ashes scattered over a chicken yard, and in a jar I gave to someone for safekeeping. Most likely, the jar sits next to a pile of rubble that was once my home.’
Meer considered his words. Ash had not the vaguest notion what he was thinking.
‘I see. You don’t believe you can go on any longer, with so much grief inside you. You think life is not worth living if it’s to be as terrible as this.’
Ash could not look away from the man’s steady gaze.
‘This is why you wish to drink yourself to death.’
He wondered if the man was a Seer. Some had the knack without any training at all.
Ash watched as the monk stepped to the entrance of the cave and sat down next to him with his legs dangling over the edge. The wind ruffled the folds of his black robe.
‘Those waves down there. Do you see them?’
A cough to clear his throat. ‘I am not blind yet.’
‘Sometimes, when I hear of such thing as this, I am reminded of how those waves are very much like ourselves, only that they live much shorter lives. I watch them come rushing for the shore and see how they tumble in equal creation and destruction, so captivating to my eyes. And I see how it is the force of the wind riding through them that keeps them alive. It borrows the water of those waves so it may pass its force through them. How many laqs, I wonder? How far have they travelled from the distant storm to reach here?’
Ash was listening with his full attention, his hangover momentarily forgotten. The dull sea made the monk’s eyes a dark green. They turned to regard him now.
‘You wish to hear this? I’m not boring you?’
A shake of his head.
Meer looked back out at the sea.
‘You see, I watch as they crash against the shore and fizzle out to nothing. The end of their journey; the end of their existence. And it becomes clear to me, in those moments, how their end is what makes them complete. It’s what gives them meaning, what gives their life form. What would that be, if they simply surged around the oceans of the world without ever ceasing? What is creation without destruction? Something bland and uniform and unchanging. Something truly dead.’
Meer leaned back and breathed deeply, as though returning to himself. He looked once more at Ash with his vibrant eyes, surveyed his expression to see how much Ash comprehended.