is the one who’s arranging all of this, right? And she’s the one threatening you.”
“Yes,” I say. I don’t understand where he’s going with this.
“If she’s out of the way … Your worries disappear.”
“What? What are you saying?” I gasp, making a face. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“Shh …” He leans in to whisper in my ear. “Hear me out. She’s the one thing who keeps this commitment going. Your mother is the only one who has a hold on you. If you get rid of her, you’re no longer bound to this commitment. You don’t have to marry Phillip.”
I swallow when I hear what he’s saying. It’s like it doesn’t even register. Is he suggesting that I kill my own mother?
“You’d be free.”
These last few words repeat over and over in my head.
Freedom.
It’s all I ever wanted. All I could never have.
Not as long as I was going to marry Phillip.
Not as long as my mother was there to torture my soul.
If she were gone … nothing would keep me from Miles.
But how?
And then it appears, right in front of me. The answer to all my questions. A vial filled with a substance is held out to me. The same kind of vial his mother had used to poison the political opponents of my father.
Like a forbidden secret, he slides it onto my hand, as he whispers into my ear, “You control your own fate. Make your choice.”
***
During the wedding
The wedding ceremony is all a blur to me. Sweat drops trickle down my back as I’m continuously reminded of the lethal weapon sitting in my purse. Every passing second is another one wasted, but I don’t dare move. The consequences of this choice are too heavy. I can’t make such a life-changing decision so quickly.
When we exchange the rings, my eyes can only focus on Phillip for a second before being torn away toward the purse lying on a table in the corner. During the reception, all I can think of is that vial. The thought of using it consumes me. It’s like a devil is on my shoulder, telling me to use it.
However, every time I glance at my mother, my courage leaks out of me.
During dinner, I get up from my seat and walk toward the table with my purse clutched between my clammy fingers. I take out the vial, hide it in my hand, and walk to the table. There’s no one near me; the rest of the guests are all mingling, so now is the perfect time. The drinks are there, and all I need to do is pour it in.
My fingers tremble as I hold out the vial and push off the lid with my thumb. When I’ve made sure no one’s looking, I drip it into a glass and pick it up. I can’t believe what I’m doing as I walk toward the table where his parents and my parents are sitting. Am I really going to kill my own mother? Is it all worth it? I don’t know how or why, but somehow the thought of murdering her makes me sick to my stomach. I hate her … but do I honestly want her dead?
She’s my mother. Even after everything she’s done, I still want her to love me. I always did. After all, she will always be my mother, no matter if she’s alive or dead. Nothing will change that.
I try to prevent my hand from shaking as I bring the glass toward them. The smile on my face is as fake as can be. I wonder if they can see through it. My mother looks up at me, and for the first time in a long while, there’s a genuine smile on her face, almost as if she’s truly happy to see me. Like I’m finally being the daughter she always dreamed I’d be.
That look … it stops my heart.
My mother … She’ll always be my mother, even if we can’t stand each other.
I can’t kill my mother.
I just can’t.
But I won’t let them ruin my life, either.
Someone has to pay for what they did to me. And if I can’t punish my own mother … then it’ll be someone else’s mother instead.
Someone equally responsible for matching me with Phillip.
Someone with just as much influence and hold on our family.
So I hand the glass to Phillip’s mother with a courteous smile. “Bottoms up.”
She takes it from my hand, saying, “Thank you, darling. You’re so sweet.”