away the hours of the day until I’m left wishing I wasn’t alive at all.
***
A few months later …
I ran away. I didn’t know what else to do after the kids pushed me down the stairs and the staff didn’t even bat an eye. I have nowhere to go, but I don’t want to go back there. I hate that place and everyone who lives or works there.
Nobody understands me.
My finger twirls through the grass and I rip it out of the ground and let it fly away with the wind. It’s so peaceful here in the middle of nowhere near this lonely road. Nothing for a few miles … all the world to myself. Love it.
This place is quickly turning into my favorite hiding spot. I don’t have to sit somewhere in a cramped, stinky corner to avoid being caught. I can just sit out in the open without anyone seeing me here.
But then a car suddenly zooms up at the end of the horizon, and I watch it come into view. Placing my hand over my eyes to block out the sun, I try to look inside as it passes by. I don’t see much, apart from two adults in the front… except for one little girl sitting in the back of the car, gazing at me with her bright eyes. She has the face of an angel.
And then it disappears just as quickly as it came, driving down that lonely road.
For a moment, I just enjoy the breeze, wondering who those people were and if I’ll ever have parents just like her.
Oh well, I’ll find out soon enough. Time to get back. They’re probably wrecking the whole place in search of me now. Or they haven’t even noticed I’m gone. Either way, I know they’ll be pissed.
So, I grab my bike and drive off onto the long and lonely road back to where I came from.
***
An hour later…
I’m sitting on the couch in the meeting room, waiting for someone to approach me, but all the potential parents give me the stink eye. I guess it’s because of the cuts and bruises on my face from getting in a fight again. I can’t help it; the kids here just won’t stop annoying me. It’s like they enjoy getting all up my back or something.
The caretaker comes up to me and gives me a side look. “Why aren’t you talking with them?”
“Well, I can’t just go up to them, can I?” I say.
“No, but you can at least present yourself a little more … appealing,” she says, clearing her throat. She always does that when she disapproves of me, so I hear it all day long.
“Try to put a little more effort into this, will you?” she says. “I don’t want you to be stuck here forever.”
I nod as she walks away to meet other potential parents with a fake smile on her face. What she actually meant was that she wants to get rid of me as quickly as possible because I’m a nuisance to this place, but she’ll never say that to my face. It was bad enough that she actually mentioned my parents to me, even though I don’t remember anything about them.
I guess that’s life. People just screw you over until you screw them back.
That’s my motto from now on, anyway.
With my hands folded on my lap, dangling my legs off the couch, I look at all the other kids talking with their potential parents, wishing someone was interested in me … enough to see past the layers of anger.
Sometimes, I wish I could be like those other kids. Happy. Normal. But I’m not, and I don’t know why. Every day, all I can think of is how to be smarter than someone else is. How to outwit them. How to win a fight. How to find someone’s weakness and use it to my advantage. I’m always so angry, and I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s because of who my parents are.
Or maybe it’s because of what they aren’t.
Who knows? Nobody can tell, not even me.
I can tell one thing, though. Even if they don’t pick me now, one day I will make it out this place, and I will show everyone that I am worth it.
***
Present
The rain pounds down on my head as I push the shovel into the earth and dig deeper. The hole has become quite deep, enough for me to hide my body underground. In this obscure corner, behind the facility, I