Stalker - Clarissa Wild Page 0,49
This fear has me in its grasp. Almost as if it has power over me.
I can’t let it win.
I straighten my back and pat down my clothes before I walk out the door right when the bell rings.
Miles just stands there, his eyebrows almost touching each other, his chest going up and down as he heaves, probably attempting to calm himself down as he always does.
I swallow away the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t be. I had it coming.” He narrows his eyes. “We both know this isn’t working.”
“Yeah …” I say, still leaning against the door as if it’s going to provide me with protection.
“But here’s the thing. I don’t want to stop being friends with you,” he says, making me hold my breath. “I’m trying to be myself and be worthy of your friendship.”
“But you are …” I mutter.
“No.” He takes a step forward. “That’s the whole point. I’m never going to be good enough.”
“What? How can you say that about yourself?”
“Look at us,” he shouts. “Look at your grades, all A’s. Now look at mine … I’m glad if I can get a C.”
“But I know you can do so much better,” I say, cocking my head. “I can help you.”
“No, you can’t. It’s not what you do; it’s what I can’t do.” There’s a certain pain in his voice; it stings so badly that it hurts my soul.
“But—”
“No, there is no but.” He steps even closer, placing his hand on the door. “You don’t get it. I can’t change. I can’t make it work. This is not me.” He fishes in my front pocket and takes out the pen. “That’s you.” Then he puts it back and lifts his shirt, showing me his tattoo again. “This is me.”
“So?” I say.
“We’re different, and we’ll always be. We’re not from the same environment. I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t ever be good enough for you. Nothing will change that.”
I shake my head because I hate the way this conversation is going. It’s as if he wants to end everything with me, whatever it is that we have. “You’re wrong.”
He places another hand on the door, blocking me from leaving. Not that I was going anywhere at this rate because I don’t care about class right now. All I care about is him.
“Why am I not good enough?” He leans in. “No matter what I do. Is it your parents? Your future? Your own wishes?”
I don’t have the answers he seeks. All I know is that he’s right. It’s everything.
He leans in so close that I can feel his hot breath on my lips. I close my eyes, my body shuddering from the close proximity of his mouth. God, I can almost imagine him kissing me again. It was a long time ago, but I’ve been thinking about it every single day. It’s all I want, but it’s wrong … so wrong. I can’t be with him. I can’t want him. I’m not allowed.
“It’s all of those things, isn’t it?” he whispers, making me suck in a breath.
I nod, intoxicated by his smell. I want it. I can’t have it, but I want it so badly.
“I’ll show you that I’m good enough. You just wait and see,” he whispers. “One day.”
And then the warmth turns into cold ice as he walks away, leaving me in shambles.
CHAPTER 15
PHOENIX
Present
I had to pull out of that situation. I could feel my heart beating again, which is never a good sign. Not when she’s saying things like that.
Fuck. I never knew her parents forced her to marry Phillip. Then again, I’m not sure how much of that sob story I should believe. However, I do recall something from a particular conversation we once had, back in the old days. It was on that spot we always shared our secrets, the place in the meadows, far away from the road. The place I almost buried a body. Now it leaves a tangy taste in my mouth just thinking about it.
I remember every last detail of our encounters back in school as vivid as if they happened just days ago. As I storm down the stairs, I keep thinking … what if things had gone differently? What if we’d made different choices? Would I still be the killer? Would she still be the conniving bitch she is now? Would we hate or love each other?
I can’t imagine myself feeling anything but loathing for her. Maybe it’s