Suddenly, he starts rummaging in his bag and takes out the duct tape. He storms toward me and rips off a piece with his teeth.
“No, don’t,” I say, shaking my head, but then he sticks it on my mouth.
“You talk too much,” he says.
I try to speak, but it all sounds like muffled groans. He puts his finger in front of my mouth. “You watch that pretty mouth of yours, before I fuck it.”
Then he gets up and turns around. He doesn’t even grant me one more look before waltzing out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.
***
Age 15
Things have been going downhill quickly ever since Miles kissed me. My friends saw it and told my parents. It’s no wonder that my mother didn’t want me to see him again. It must be the reason she invited Phillip to meet me.
Of course, my parents also punished me. I was on house arrest with no phone, no internet, and no friends. It was a living hell. I hate being confined to my room with only my homework to look at. It’s like my parents don’t want me to have a social life at all. They want me to put my future first, and do everything in my power to be successful. It’s not fair, though. Maybe I don’t want to be what they want me to be, but I don’t even have a choice. They are forcing me to fit into the mold they want me to fit. I can’t be myself, so how am I supposed to learn what I need?
I can’t … which makes it impossible to be around Miles. He doesn’t understand. I thought I could be friends with him, but my parents are making it impossible, and I don’t even know what I want anymore. For once, I just want people to be happy with me. To be someone my parents can be proud of, so they’ll finally have something positive to say about me. To be something.
And to be something, I have to work hard. I have to study fast. I have to become someone I want to be, and for that I need power. At least, that’s what my parents always say. Study hard and work hard because then you have power, and power means you can do whatever you want in this world.
So, power it is.
I guess they feel like Miles would be in the way of that. They want him gone. They want me to lie to him. Heck, they want me to lie to everyone because that’s just the way our family is. Lie to everyone to soften the blow and get whatever you desire.
And the worst part of it all is that they force me to lie, and now, I’ve started doing it without their instructions. It’s like it’s been glued inside my brain.
I hate that they’re trying to make me part from Miles, although I do understand why. He doesn’t exactly bring a healthy mindset to the table. He keeps rebelling, while I’m trying to conform to the rules, and it’s ripping us apart. Even though we were once so close, I have no idea what to do with him now.
Every day I watch him stand with his friends, in the hallways, outside, in the playground, and I wonder what in the hell he’s doing with his life. Smoking. Drinking. He’s even gotten tattoos and piercings now. Just looking at him can make me boil. I don’t know why it makes me so angry, but it does. I want so much more for him. He deserves so much better than this, and I don’t understand why he won’t give himself a chance. It’s like he’s already given up.
Well, just because my parents won’t allow me to be friends with him, doesn’t mean I can’t try when they’re not around. Nobody has to know. I just wish Miles would understand it without me having to literally tell him what’s going on in my family.
I walk to him as he stands by the lockers and pluck the cigarette from his hand, throwing it in the garbage.
“What the …” he says.
“What are you doing?” I say.
“Why do you care?” he asks. His friends start laughing.
“Because I do. And so should you.” I frown.
He turns his back toward his friends so he can talk more quietly with me. “And you think I don’t?”
“No, if you did, you wouldn’t be out here smoking and … adorning yourself.”