I yelp from the heartache as Phoenix plays with my privates.
“Let me make it all go away, Princess,” he says.
“No … I don’t want it. Not like this,” I whisper into my pillow.
Phoenix places his hand on my back, near my neck, squashing me into the bed. “It has to be this way. Only like this will you be able to forget.”
I can feel his hard-on poking my ass, and it makes me want to scratch him. How dare he do this to me? After what I just went through?
“I’m trying to make it all better for you, Vanessa,” he whispers in my ear as he slides his fingers up and down my pussy.
“I don’t know, I don’t know …” I repeat. “All I can think of—”
“Shh, I know. Just focus on the here and now. Focus on me,” he says, pushing his fingers in and out of me.
A tear rolls down my cheek. “Please … stop it all. I can’t take it,” I say.
“Yes, you can. I know you can,” he says. “I won’t let your mind be consumed by this. Not by him,” he whispers, pressing another kiss to my cheek. “If there is anyone going to consume you, it’s me.”
“What?” I gasp, but he doesn’t answer.
Instead, he takes his fingers out and smears my wetness across my pussy.
“I can’t see you like this, Vanessa. You can’t let him win. That’s what he wanted. That’s why he did it,” he says.
“He wanted me to remember his act?” I say, fazing out.
It’s the middle of the night, and Phoenix is using his lust to overpower me, making me feel weak. Used, and for the first time, really hurt. It’s not caused by him though, but by that man. There’s a gap in my soul, and Phoenix is trying to mend it in his own fucked-up way.
“Yes. Don’t let it control you. Let me in,” he says. “Let me in.”
He pushes in and out until I’m wet enough, and then his cock sinks into my pussy from behind. I take a deep breath as he buries it to the hilt, my eyes springing open. Phoenix places his hand over my mouth and the other on the back of my head, forcing me into the pillow.
“Don’t fight it. Let me in,” he repeats. “Let me be the one from your memories.”
He goes slow, thrusting in and out with deep strokes, taking his time to soothe me into what’s happening. I’m not sure if I’m really awake or if I’m still dreaming. I don’t know if this is a nightmare and I’m about to wake up.
And then he whispers, “I’m not going to hurt you. Let me help.”
I don’t know why, but that statement makes my heart go numb.
What I feel is real. This isn’t a dream. I am awake, and Phoenix is taking over my body to make me forget about the real nightmare.
The honest truth. He’s creating a perfect lie.
For me.
The moment that I realize why he’s doing this, I let it all go.
My muscles relax, my eyes partially close, and my heartbeat is calm as Phoenix pushes in and out of me, still holding me down to emulate the memory. He’s not doing this for my pleasure or his. He’s doing this to replace one memory with another. To erase the bad from my heart and replace it with his own.
He’s making himself the bad guy in order to save me.
“Forgive me,” he whispers into my ear, the sound echoing like the beating of a drum.
“It’s okay,” I murmur into his hand, focusing on the groaning sounds he makes. I close my eyes and smell his scent, picturing his face, his smile, his hair, his piercings, his muscular body, and all the things that I remember. I feel him, lying on top of me, penetrating my body, and I’m accepting his invasion. I feel zoned out and yet I’m completely at the moment. So free. So broken. So messed up. And it’s okay.
He leans in and presses another kiss to my cheek. “Don’t think about anything but you and me. There’s nothing else, nothing in between. Just you and me.”
Nodding, I let my body rise and lower with his as he thrusts in and out. He keeps toying with my clit, needing me to find my release. His hold on my neck tightens, as if he means to choke me. I remember vague bits