Staccato (Magnum Opus #2) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,67

didn’t really need to guess where he was going, though. Nik’s room was down the hall, and the door was cracked. It was dark, and Adam assumed Van had stolen his lamp back, but he didn’t need light for this.

He caught the image of Nik’s silhouette on the edge of his bed, back to the window, head bowed. He didn’t rise when Adam shut the door with a firm click, but he did see the shadow of his shoulders lift ever so slightly.

“It’s dark in here again,” Nik said.

Adam laughed as he crossed the room, and when his toes met the edge of Nik’s, he dropped to his knees. “Yeah, it is.”

“Do you want me to…”

“No,” Adam said. Even footing, he thought to himself, even if that wasn’t really it. Hell, he could go totally blind tomorrow, and it wouldn’t matter because that’s not where their inequality stood. He gripped Nik’s lounge pants, curling the soft fabric into his palms. “Was that song mine?”

Nik’s laugh was ragged, like his throat was sore. His breathing was labored, and he shoved both hands into his hair. “I tried. Fuck, Adam, I have tried not to fall in love with you. From the moment I met you, I…” His words died, and he dropped his head again, hands falling to where Adam was still holding him. “Why did you come here?”

“Like here, to the town? Or into your room?”

“Both. Neither.” Nik laughed again and leaned forward until his forehead pressed to the top of Adam’s shoulder. “I’m not sure I want to know. Everything was so right until you showed up.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam breathed out.

Nik lifted his head and then his hands, cupping Adam’s face like he was something precious—something fragile. A treasure. “Never,” he said with clenched teeth. “Never be sorry. God, I was so…I was dead inside. You heard it. I was this empty shell without any idea how to find myself again, and then you showed up, and you dug your heels in, and you didn’t let go.”

“I don’t want to let go,” Adam countered. He released Nik’s pants, turning his hands so he could circle Nik’s wrists with tight fingers, and he tugged on him until he slid to the floor. They were both on their knees now, like they were offering worship to the cruelest gods. “I can’t keep doing this. I thought just having you in my life was enough, but…”

“I know,” Nik said, and the word was more like a promise than a curse. Adam’s heart thrashed against his ribs. Nik pulled one hand away and touched Adam’s cheek again. His thumb brushed his bottom lip, stopping when it reached the hoop near the corner of his mouth. “Don’t go.”

“You’re the one who told me…”

“I know,” Nik said again, this time the words filled with self-deprecation.

“If you kiss me again,” Adam warned, because he could feel the moment rising between them—the heat coming off Nik, mingling with his own, “you can’t push me away. You can’t give me this and then change your mind and deny me. I won’t survive it. I can walk away right now, but not after tasting you again.”

Nik said nothing. He just hung on, one hand around Adam’s wrist, the other still on his face. His fingers trembled, like he was exerting all of his effort to hold himself back. And the silence continued.

“I know I’m not what you really want—I’m not…I’m not like those two composers. I’ll never be able to understand that side of you the way they understand each other.” Adam swallowed thickly. “But I…”

“I don’t want to be like them,” Nik interrupted, his voice hoarse. His hand dragged to the crook of Adam’s neck, then he curled his fingers around the back of it and held tight. “God, they almost destroyed each other. I don’t want that.”

“But you said…” Adam whispered.

“I wanted to meet someone and just know. The way Nicolas did. The way I think he did. That’s how the story goes, anyway.” He let out a sharp laugh. “He took one look at Cedric Blum, and he knew he was it—his other half.”

“I’m sorry that can’t be me,” Adam said, and his voice was thick as fear gripped him. He was losing this, wasn’t he? Nik was telling him it wasn’t enough.

But then Nik laughed, the sound watery and heavy. “You are. God, you are. You touched my hand and suddenly everything I had ever wanted was laid at my feet. I ran—like a coward,