Staccato (Magnum Opus #2) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,26

bone-deep sigh, then backed up until he fell into the swivel chair and rested his elbows on the desk before dropping his face into his hands. He felt like a wreck, unsure how to go forward, refusing to go back. Nik had him turned around and upside down, and he didn’t know what it meant. All he knew was that he didn’t want it to stop.

He missed this though—the ease of conversation, the feeling like someone gave an actual shit and not just because of what he offered. Stella loved him, always would, but Stella liked things that were useful. People were important by how much they could provide. It stung sometimes, but she was who she was, and he didn’t want to change her.

His mother had been the same way, so when he met Damien, it was new. It was special. It was something that was just his because they were people who wanted him around for no other reason than existing as the man he was. Two of them were straight, all of them were cis, but he wasn’t some sort of token in their group. All of them had stood on the outside of what society expected them to be, and all of them used their music to spit in the faces of those expectations.

Nik was like that—in his refined, classical sort of way. He stood on his own, and he didn’t let people push him around. Adam didn’t know him well, but he had a feeling nothing about the way Nik lived his life would surprise him, and he wanted that—wanted to keep it, cup his hands around it and protect it.

Nik returned with the sandwiches ten minutes later, looking a bit unsure as he moved from tile to the worn carpet of the shop. Adam had been half-lost in a solitaire game, but he jumped to his feet and stumbled on the rolling chair, which made Nik laugh.

“Uh,” Adam said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’ll pretend like I didn’t see it,” Nik offered, and Adam’s face erupted into a blush.

“You do that on purpose, don’t you?”

“Always.” Nik followed Adam’s careful directions to the sofa, then they sat and the other man passed him a warm sub between his hands. “I got it from the Shawarma place,” Nik explained as he unwrapped his own. “Comfort food.”

“Bad day?” Adam could smell rich spices, and his mouth watered, though he held off taking a bite.

Nik had no such qualms, and he spoke with one cheek round and puffed out full of pita. “It’s been a long week. My brother typically handles my dad’s care, but his work has been busy over the last couple of weeks. It’s just…hard.” Nik’s head bowed toward his sandwich, and his fingers played with the edges of the paper. “He doesn’t know who I am most of the time.”

Adam winced, and he finally took a bite, using the time to decide what to say because there were no real words of comfort he had to give. “Is he…um. Is he doing okay?”

Nik’s smile was kind, and he ate a bit before answering. “He’s in the pretty late stages of Alzheimer’s now. They don’t think it’s going to be long. He got sick right after my mom died.”

Adam had grown up without a dad so he didn’t understand the profound loss of a parent, but when his mom went, he’d be in Nik’s shoes, and the idea terrified him. He wanted to escape her ever-present worry that he wasn’t going to make anything of himself, but he loved her, down to his very bones. Losing her would devastate him.

“Sorry, I totally killed the mood,” Nik said. His hand reached forward, feeling for the table, and he set his food aside. “I’d like to say I’m not usually a huge buzz-kill, but I probably am.”

Adam’s eyes widened. “Another joke?”

Nik shook his head, though a smile played at his lips. “A classical music nerd who teaches elementary school orchestra? I’m like that horrible, tweed-suit wearing nerd on Friday Night sitcoms that never, ever gets the guy.”

Adam’s cheeks burned, and there were a hundred words dying on his tongue that he wanted to say to prove Nik wrong, but none of them would manifest. “Everyone expects me to be a certain way,” he said after a beat. He crumpled up his paper and set it next to Nik’s. “Piercings, tattoos. My hair’s not dyed now, but I used to bleach the fuck out of it and