Spiked by Love (Bellevue Bullies #6) - Toni Aleo Page 0,107
you at bay. I want you to be woven into my life. I want to be close to you because you make me feel. But when you make me feel, you scare me. I never fully opened up to anyone because if things went south, it wouldn’t matter. You know me. You get me, and if I give you all of me, I could lose you.”
I throw up my hands and let out a groan that the neighbors probably can hear. They’re getting quite the show tonight. “Asher, you don’t know that.”
“I do,” he says matter-of-factly. “My dad lost my mom, Shea lost Elli, Aiden lost Shelli. Hell, Posey almost died, which would make Boon lose her. Shit, Ally, can’t you see the risk—”
I grab him by his shorts, yanking him to me. “I am worth the fucking risk, Asher. William. Brooks.” I poke my finger into the middle of his chest. “Either figure that out, or let me the fuck go.”
I start to move away, but he grabs my shoulders, keeping me in place. “I cannot lose you.”
“I will not stand around and be played with.”
“I’m not—”
“If you don’t love me, you’re playing with me to keep me around for your selfish needs. I am not here for that, and I will not be treated this way.”
I go to turn, but he stops me. “I’m not doing that. I care so much for you—”
“As a friend,” I say, yanking my arm from his.
He looks helpless. “Yes, Ally, you are my best friend.”
I shake my head, the tears falling faster, and I know what I promised. I do. But everything hurts. “Then, as your best friend, take my advice. Acknowledge what you have in your hands, or walk away.”
My eyes are held hostage by him for longer than I intend. When I’m finally able to tear them away, I gather my things and slide on some pants. I wipe my face, certain I am doing the right thing. I’m all for being patient and not rushing him, but he doesn’t get to give me the best night of my life, say he wants my future, but then not admit to loving me. I know he does. I fucking know it, and he shouldn’t struggle to tell me so. I walk into the living room to grab my keys. As much as I want to ignore him, I see him leaning on the bar, watching me.
I don’t mean to meet his gaze, but somehow, I do. He sucks in a deep breath, his eyes begging mine. “Please don’t leave.”
“I’ve got an early morning, and you need to find Jesus or something.”
I’m met with silence. “You’re not leaving because of your early morning.”
“Well, no shit,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m leaving because you’ve hurt me.”
He looks away. “See, that’s what happens when you let feelings—”
“Yeah, it does. And you know what, Ash. I still love you. I love you with every part of my body. Look in a mirror, dude, do some soul-searching. Because, guess what, you love me too. You’re just allowing your fear to dictate what potentially could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” he announces, coming off the bar. He points to me. “I only want to talk to you.”
I drag my hand down my face, wiping my cheek free of tears. “Yeah, well, I don’t want to talk to you right now. I need some time. Stay away from me.”
I turn on my heel and head out. As I shut the door behind me, I urge myself to keep taking steps, but it’s so hard. When I reach the elevator, I hear him running behind me. “Please don’t leave like this.”
“What would you rather I leave as?” I ask as I step onto the elevator. “Want me to tell you I like being played with? That it’s okay?”
“I’m not playing with you.” He holds the elevator doors open with his arm. “I promise I’m not. That’s not my intention.”
My lip trembles as I cross my arms over my chest. “Well, it feels like a game, Asher. A game I can’t play. Not with how I feel for you. Not when I know you can feel the same for me if you only allow yourself.”
“Ally.”
“Let me go, Asher. There is nothing left to say.”
He steps toward me, and I back up until my body hits the back of the elevator.