The Spark - Jules Wake Page 0,12
that sounds ungrateful, then I’m afraid I am. As I said, no one does stored-up bitterness quite as well as Mum, even though she now owns her own house and is practice manager at a very large GP surgery in Aylesbury and could actually start enjoying herself. She refuses to even talk about my dad and I’ve given up trying now.
‘Of course, I might have a plus one by then,’ I said, unable to resist being a little bit mischievous. ‘Or you might.’
‘Don’t be absurd, Jessica.’
‘You could always take Dawn. I’m sure Gladys wouldn’t mind.’
‘And can you imagine what she’d say if I did?’ My mother’s lips quivered with indignation. ‘She’d make some ridiculous insinuation that we were special friends or something.’
‘I’m sure she wouldn’t. She knows you and Dawn are good friends.’ I lied; it was exactly the sort of thing that Gladys would assume, thinking that she was being terribly liberal. Before Mum knew it, Gladys would be trumpeting about her niece, ‘you know, the lesbian one’.
‘So who’s the young man you’re thinking of taking? You haven’t mentioned anyone before. It is such a shame; you are a pretty girl.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ I laughed at her cautious compliment.
‘You’re very pretty. Is that better? I just don’t want you to get big-headed. It’s not just about looks. I can tell you that. You favour your father. And look what happened to him.’ Bitter lines fanned out around her eyes. Part of me was tempted to go for broke and say, ‘What did happen to him? After he left, why didn’t we see him again? Why did he abandon us?’
‘No, Mum, I look like you,’ I said firmly, smiling at her. ‘And you look great. And if I’ve still got a figure like yours at your age, I’ll be well chuffed. You know you’re a very attractive woman,’ I said rolling my r’s in an appalling Scottish accent, mimicking Duncan, her next-door neighbour.
Mum let out a you’re-being-ridiculous huff but at the same time she allowed herself a tiny smile and patted her hair. ‘The man is deluded but a gentleman all the same. I still don’t have to dye it. Poor Dawn is always at the Nice and Easy.’
She picked up her tea and took a thoughtful sip. ‘Well, if you do find yourself a plus one, you might not want to take him. If he meets Gladys he might run a mile. You don’t want him thinking insanity runs in the family.’
‘Gladys is deliciously bonkers, Mum. She’s not going to frighten anyone off, and it’s highly unlikely I’ll have a plus one. It was just supposition.’
‘Supposition. That’s a good word.’ Mum nodded approvingly, as if to say, See, that English degree wasn’t wasted after all. ‘So there’s no one on the horizon then?’
For someone who’d been so royally shafted by a man and whose life had been utterly shattered by the experience, there was a terrible irony in Mum’s continued desire for happy-ever-after for me. When Dad left she crumbled and things had got messy quickly.
‘No,’ I said with a shrug, wishing just this once that there could be.
I didn’t tell her as I backed out of her drive, my window wound down to wave at her as I left, that my next stop was dinner with my cousin and my aunt and uncle. With a touch of guilt, I watched her become smaller and smaller in my rear-view mirror, a neat little figure in her cream blouse and smart skirt.
Touch of guilt? What sort of bullshit was that? I had so much guilt where my mum was concerned. Even eighteen years on, she didn’t know how to be happy, or seem to want to be. It made her hard to be around and for that my guilt exceeded Catholic proportions. I didn’t mention going to my aunt’s because I didn’t want her to feel left out, although she probably knew. My aunt regularly reminded her that she was always welcome, that there was an open invitation. In fact, the invitation was open to every waif and stray in Tring. My aunt had a big heart and couldn’t bear the thought of anyone being lonely. Despite Aunt Lynn’s weekly phone call and invite, Mum declined ten times out of eleven, preferring to stay home and get organised for work the next day. We all still treated Mum with kid gloves, even though she was so much stronger these days – not that she seemed to appreciate it.
There was no way