really do like it here. A lot. I like the people, the scenery, and the food. It’s a special spot, the kind of place I dreamed of landing when I first started my career in wine.
I want to have my cake and eat it too. And I get that it may not be possible with Samuel.
But with Blue? I glance at my laptop, which I left on the nightstand beside the bed last night.
With Blue, I could have both. I could fall in love and keep my job, no problem.
That’s assuming a lot. Mostly that Blue and I will not only hit it off but also connect as instantly and as deeply as Samuel and I have.
I’m in deep with Samuel. That much is obvious. And the fact that I’m thinking about someone else makes me feel slimy, sure. Can I really fall for two people at the same time? Am I delusional to think anyone will come remotely close to making me feel as accepted and sexy and valued as Samuel does?
But I gotta be smart. The smart thing is to explore my options, right? Especially the option that allows me to thrive in all areas of my life without being scared shitless I’ll lose everything.
I guess I just need to know.
I need to know if my connection with Blue is real, or if it’s just some internet-induced fantasy that exists only inside my head.
I need to know if Samuel really is the one, or if there’s someone else out there. Because if I don’t explore this option, I may be leaving my perfect future on the table. One that doesn’t make me sweat the way I’m sweating now.
Also, Lindsey’s here. Which means I’ll have someone to come with me for my meetup with Blue. If anyone will be an honest judge of a guy and his potential, it’s her.
I open my laptop and fire off a message to Blue. Feeling a million different things as I type.
Tonight. Let’s meet.
Weirdly enough, my phone dings with a text message less than a minute later.
Even weirder? It’s Samuel, asking me if I want to come over again tonight. He’s thinking about firing up his wood-burning pizza oven—because of course he has one of those—and wants to know what toppings I like.
Emma: Sounds great, but my sister just arrived. She’s staying the night. Wasn’t expecting her…will explain later.
Samuel: Bring her too. All are welcome
Emma: You don’t know Lindsey. Rain check for Wednesday?
Samuel: Wednesday?
Emma: It’s the next night I have off.
Samuel: I am not waiting until Wednesday to see you.
Emma: You’ll see me tomorrow bright and early at the barn.
Samuel: So you’ll let me eat your pussy there?
Emma: No.
Samuel: My point exactly. I wanna see you again. Tonight. Sneak out. Don’t make me beg.
Emma: Trust me, I’d love nothing more. But I gotta hang with Lindsey.
Samuel: Okay. Can I call you later?
Emma: Sure. I can’t promise I’ll be able to answer, but I’ll try.
Samuel: I can’t stop thinking about you. I hope you have a great day with your sister.
Reading that last text, my chest aches. What do I say? That I can’t stop thinking about him either, but I’m not sure I can envision a future for us that doesn’t threaten the financial and professional stability I want so badly for myself? That I’m actually meeting up with another man in the hopes I can envision that future with someone else?
Emma: I miss you.
I look up at the knock on my bedroom door. “Em? Hey, Em, you all right in there? You need any help?”
I’m about to slam my laptop shut when I see a message from Blue pop up. Tonight works. Same place, maybe an earlier time so we get out before the roads ice over again?
I quickly type Yes. Think you can get a 6 PM at Cucina?
He replies right away. Absolutely. See you then.
“Coming!” I say.
I hop off the bed and open the door. Lindsey’s standing in the kitchen, wineglass tilted back.
“You okay?” she asks.
I grab the glass she’s poured for me off the counter and take a fortifying swig. “I’m great. Hey, this is gonna sound nuts. But how would you feel about coming downtown with me tonight to meet this guy I’ve been sexting with on the internet?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Samuel
I had hoped to work out alone today.
Mostly because I want to think about Emma. How it felt waking up next to her. The sounds she made as she demolished the dinner I made for her. The weight of