The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires - Grady Hendrix Page 0,22

attempt, made the seal with their lips, and blew into his mouth, once, twice, then her trachea vibrated backward as air blasted down her throat. She reared back coughing, the man bolted upright, his forehead smacking into the side of Patricia’s skull with a hollow knock, and Patricia staggered backward into the wall, knocking all the breath out of her lungs. Her legs went out from under her, and she slid to the floor, landing hard on her butt, as the man leapt to his feet, wild-eyed, sending the casserole dish clattering to the floor.

“What the fuck!” he shouted.

He looked wildly around the room and found Patricia on the floor at his feet. Chest heaving, mouth hanging open, he squinted at her in the dimness.

“How’d you get in?” he shouted. “Who are you?”

Patricia managed to get her breathing under control enough to squeak, “Patricia Campbell from Pierates Cruze.”

“What?” he barked.

“I thought you were dead,” she said.

“What?” he barked again.

“I performed CPR,” she said. “You weren’t breathing.”

“What?” he barked one more time.

“I’m your neighbor?” Patricia cowered. “From Pierates Cruze?”

He looked out the hall door. He looked back at his bed. He looked down at her.

“Fuck,” he said again, and his shoulders slumped.

“I brought you a casserole,” Patricia said, pointing at the upside-down casserole dish.

The man’s chest heaved slower.

“You came here to bring me a casserole?” he asked.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Patricia said. “I’m…your great-aunt was found in my yard? And things got a little bit physical? Maybe you’ve seen my dog? He’s a cocker spaniel mix, he, well…maybe it’s better you haven’t? And…? Well, I so hope that nothing happened at our house to make your aunt worse.”

“You brought me a casserole because my aunt died,” he said, as if explaining it to himself.

“You didn’t come to the door,” she said. “But I saw your car outside so I stuck my head in.”

“And down the hall,” he said. “And into my bedroom.”

She felt like a fool.

“No one here thinks twice about that,” she explained. “It’s the Old Village. You weren’t breathing.”

He opened his eyes wide and closed them tightly a few times, swaying slightly.

“I am very, very tired,” he said.

Patricia realized he wasn’t going to help her to her feet, so she pushed herself up off the floor.

“Let me clean this up,” she said, reaching for the casserole dish. “I feel so stupid.”

“No,” he said. “You have to leave.” He wavered, his head jerking in little shakes and nods.

“It’ll only take a minute,” she said.

“Please,” he said. “Please, just go home. I need to be alone.”

He ushered her out his bedroom door.

“I can get a cloth and make sure it doesn’t leave a stain,” Patricia said as he pushed her down the hall. “I feel awful for barging in when we haven’t been introduced, but I could see you weren’t breathing, and I was a nurse—I am a nurse—and I was so sure you were ill, and I feel like a nummy.”

As she talked, he propelled her into the cluttered front room, and he had the front door open, and he stood behind it, squinting hard, eyes streaming water, and she knew he wanted her to go.

“Please,” she said, standing with one hand on the handle of his screen door. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you like that.”

“I need to get back to bed,” he said, and his hand was on the small of her back, and then she was through the screen door, standing in the hot sun on his front porch, and the door closed firmly in her face. Patricia hoped that no one had seen her go inside. If anyone else knew about her stupidity, she would just die.

She turned and jumped as the front of a large tan sedan nosed up into the front yard, right on top of her. Behind the sun’s glare on the windshield, she saw Francine,