to me—something which they’d never done before. Not really. Not that I noticed.
Should I respond to him? I wondered that, biting my bottom lip in the darkness of my room, cradling my phone against the pillow as I stared at the text message. As I wondered, a new message popped up from Mason.
Is it wrong that I spent the night selfishly hoping your date would go horribly? Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m horrible. I’m sorry. What can I say? I meant everything I told you earlier. Now I’m hoping you don’t start to hate me because of what I just said. But, wait, that’s impossible. No one can hate me.
I rolled my eyes, even though I still smiled to myself. Mason could talk, even in texts. It really was never-ending with this guy. I…I think I liked it, weirdly enough. His constant jabbering, his occasional sarcasm, the dimples that appeared every time he grinned.
It was then my mind thought of something, something truly strange, something I never thought I’d have to deal with.
Did I like two guys at once? Did I let my heart go beating for them, against my better judgment? And, lastly, because as I lay there grinning at my phone and Mason’s antics, because I knew the answer to those questions already, I wondered one last thought: why would I set myself up for such failure?
I did not respond to Mason; instead, I slid the phone back under my pillow after putting it on silent. If I knew him like I thought I did, he’d text me about ten more times before turning in for the night, and I did not want to depress myself further. No, I put my phone away and laid there, trying to wrestle with all of the feelings inside me.
I couldn’t like two men at once. I shouldn’t. That was setting myself up for double the heartbreak, and I honestly didn’t think I could handle the heartbreak from one of them. Because that’s what I would get. Heartbreak.
Calum would leave and go home, forget about me the moment he met someone else closer to home. Mason would do this project with me, and then forget about me when we no longer had any classes together. That’s what would happen, I knew it, and yet, my heart ached in my chest when I pictured my life without either of them.
God, how could it already hurt so much? It wasn’t like I was in love with them. This was exactly why I didn’t do crushes; they hurt too much, gave me too much disappointment.
Sleep took its sweet old time coming to me.
The next morning, I was greeted by my mom poking her blonde head in. I was still in bed, trying to sleep even though the sun was poking through my blinds, so I didn’t even look at her, didn’t sit up and meet those azure eyes which I was sure were expectant.
My first solo date. She probably wanted to know how it went.
I mean, it went fine, I guess, but it wasn’t like I wanted to tell my mom that I kissed him. Or, rather, he kissed me. Three times.
No, I couldn’t tell her that. She’d get her hopes up, think I was doing better than I was.
“How was your date last night?” she asked. I bet she smiled at me, too. “Your father and I didn’t hear you come in.”
“It was okay,” I muttered, my head still on my pillow. “Now can I go back to sleep?”
My mom let out an earth-shattering sigh, but she relented, “Alright. I’m glad you had fun.” She said nothing else, leaving my room and closing the door silently.
I wasn’t really sleeping, of course. Trying to and actually getting shut-eye for me were two very different things. The former was what usually happened. I might as well get up and start this day…not that I was happy about it.
But, wait.
I rolled onto my side and reached for my phone, pulling it off the charger beneath my pillow as I brought it before my face. Just as I suspected, more text messages missed from Mason. He waivered back and forth with wishing I had a good time on my date while simultaneously hoping my date was a terrible guy and that I never wanted to see him again.
Oh, Mason. What was I going to do with you?
Nothing, of course. I was going to do nothing with Mason, because I knew better than that.