because I wouldn’t know what to do if he tried to, and sad because I wanted him to, regardless.
Ugh, being so conflicted was tiring, and I was already in a perpetual state of exhaustion.
“You don’t really want to hear all about the different shades of pink, do you?” I asked, turning my head up to look at him. He certainly was tall. Walking beside him, I felt like a child. A child who was impossibly attracted to the man beside her. A child who, even though she knew it would end badly, wanted him anyway.
I knew he’d never really like me, that this could only lead to heartbreak if I didn’t stop myself soon. I hated that this was my life, that this was how I thought about things, but I couldn’t change it. I couldn’t change me.
“Not really,” Calum said, meeting my glance with a smile. He didn’t have dimples like Mason, but that didn’t mean his smile was anything less than the sun on a warm, summer day. “But if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. I’ll listen to anything you want to talk about.”
It was obvious he was just being nice. Damn it, I wished he would’ve simply taken me home when I mentioned it at the restaurant. The more minutes that ticked by when I was with him, the deeper into a hole I felt myself digging.
Stupid, stupid.
When I said nothing, only staring down at my feet as we walked, Calum said, “Okay, then I’ll pick the topic of conversation.” I could feel his eyes on me, and that was precisely why I did not turn to look at him again. His expression was too intense, too focused on me, and way too handsome.
I’d never had such a cute guy all to myself before, unless you counted Mason, and I wasn’t sure he counted…although, after his little confession, maybe I should. I still didn’t know what to do or say about that one.
God, did I walk into an alternate reality when I wasn’t looking? A world where, unbeknownst to me, I was a hot commodity that everyone wanted?
“You say you never go out,” Calum spoke as we made a turn onto an offshoot of the main path, sparkling lights strung above us. “Does that mean you’ve never had a boyfriend before?”
The heat drained from my face instantly. There was nothing like talking to a cute guy about your lack of dating, was there? Nothing at all to compare to the embarrassment of admitting that you’d never really done anything before. Nope. This was great. Just great.
It took me far too long to mutter, “No, I haven’t.”
“Huh,” he whispered, as if it was the most interesting thing he’d ever heard. “No dating, no boyfriends…” Calum trailed off, and because he was a guy, I knew exactly where his mind went. “Hold on, does that mean you’re a…”
I toyed with the long sleeves on my sweater, the cool night air blowing a gentle breeze around me, caressing my skin. I stared off to the side, at the trees the hanging lights were strung to; anywhere but Calum. To look him in the eye right now would be horrifying. I said nothing, hoping he’d drop it, because it wasn’t something I was comfortable talking about.
But, because Calum was a man, and men were all about the sex, he finished, “A virgin?”
I didn’t look at him, didn’t respond. In fact, my legs stopped walking, causing him to continue on without me for a few moments before realizing I’d stopped.
“Hey,” he said, his tone softening as he returned to my side, standing before me, all but forcing me to look at him. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I said nothing. I knew there was nothing wrong with being a virgin, just like there was nothing wrong with sleeping with whoever you wanted. This was the twenty-first century; as long as it was consensual, your choices were your own.
Still, I couldn’t help but feel like, again, I wasn’t good enough, mortified that Calum knew this fact about me.
“Bree,” he said. “Look at me.”
I didn’t want to. I wanted to do anything but that.
And yet, slowly but surely, my eyes moved to look at him, my head tilting up just a bit to accommodate the height difference between us. The way he stared at me made my breath catch in my throat, my airways close up and heat to flood my body. He didn’t look at