picks a book and thumbs through it. It’s a casual gesture, but he’s all nervous energy. I try to make small talk, to put him at ease.
“How’s the restaurant?”
He whips around in surprise like he can’t believe I initiated conversation. He puts the book down and sits.
“Uh— great. I closed it today, obviously. It’s a lot of work, but I love it.”
He used the reward money Carter put up to open a restaurant that is already one of the most popular for miles. He actually offered to give it back, but Cater insisted that he keep it. I told him I didn’t mind, but I do. He has joined the ranks of the men who would profit from my pain.
“Uh - can you excuse us, please” he says suddenly, and I startle at Bridgette’s whispered “Of course.” I’d forgotten she was in the room.
When the door closes behind her, my scalp tingles and I realize that I’m alone with Phil.
He drops onto the bed, and loosens his tie with a long-suffering sigh.
“Come here. Let’s talk. For real.” He pats the spot next to him.
My eyes widen in surprise.
“We can talk with me here,” I say from my seat in front of my vanity.
“What? You afraid you’re gonna fall in love with me, too?” he quips.
I huff a shocked laugh. ”Wow. That was…”
“Honest? The elephant in the room?” He finishes for me.
“No, unnecessary. It was callous. And cruel.”
He grimaces. “I don’t mean it that way. I don’t want you to feel like there’s something wrong with you. You fell in love with a guy you really connected with and found attractive. Who happens to share enough DNA with you to make you siblings. But it doesn’t make him your brother. You didn’t know. You have to forgive yourself.” He grips my hand.
I have never spoken to him about Carter. And I don’t want to. For the sake of my sanity, I created a spotless space in my brain where thoughts of Carter aren’t allowed. And for the last six months that’s where I’ve dwelled.
“You don’t have the right to absolve me of anything.” I try to pull my fingers out of his hold so that I can rub the ache away from my ribs. But he won’t let go.
“I know I wasn’t there for you or Bethany when it mattered. But I’m here now and, Clo, I love you, and I swear I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Trust me when I say, Duke — he’s not a good man. I don’t have proof, but there’s something off with him. He smiles a lot, but I know men like him. And they’re not the kind of guy you marry.”
I laugh at his little melodrama. “What do you know of good men?”
He lets go of my wrist and a flush rises up his cheeks. “I fucked up,. But, I’m a different person now. Leaving here changed me. I found myself in places I couldn’t have imagined when I was living here. I want that for you. You’re wasted on this place.”
I sigh. “Well, maybe once I’m independent, I’ll be able to.”
“You don’t need money to be independent.”
“Really? Is that why you took Carter’s money and came back here to ruin my life?”
He has the grace to blush, and his frown is the first show of exasperation I’ve seen from him. “I didn’t know he was here with you.”
“If you had, would you have cared?”
“Of course. And you said it was okay. I’ll pay it back if that makes you feel better.” He looks like he wants to cry.
I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy. He wants to keep it real. So, I’m keeping it real. And it feels good - like stretching my legs after sitting on them for too long.
“II don’t care what you do. Just spare me your hypocritical lectures.”
“Beth, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“I’m not mad that you weren’t here, Phil. I’m mad that you came back. And I wish you’d leave. Then, maybe I could just fucking breathe.” I growl.
His expression is bleak. I know I’ve wounded him. But it’s the truth. And I’ve been choking on it for the last year. And I’m sick of making myself sick so that everyone else can be happy. "I hope we can get to know each other again. But I am not the little girl I was when you left. Don’t try to interfere with my personal life again.” I say each word with deliberate emphasis.