voice cracked and her eyes filled with water, “my sisters, to me, were not evil. They were perfect. Yet all of commune despised us. They would spit upon us as we walked by. And they would recite passages of deliverance to us, trying to rid the devil from our souls.”
Maddie’s hands, in her lap, trembled. “Then I turned six and my life went from being one of fear and loathing, to being one of pain and utter self-hatred. On my sixth birthday, Brother Moses came to take me away at eight in the morning.” She huffed a humorless laugh. “The birds had been singing outside, and I remember that it was incredibly hot. There was not a cloud in the perfectly blue sky. It truly was the most perfect of days… a day that ended in darkness. I did not know it then, but it would be the day to change it all.”
Maddie quickly wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye, and feeling all of her pain, my skin crawled.
“He took me, Flame. He took me in ways I do not think I will ever be able to divulge, as saying them aloud makes me feel it all over again. He did things I did not know were even possible. And every time he did, I believed more and more that I was a Cursed Woman of Eve. I believed I was inherently evil.”
Maddie shook her shoulders and took a deep breath. I stayed transfixed. I stayed transfixed on her pretty eyes. “And then Mae left. I had returned from a Lord’s Sharing to find Lilah sitting alone in our quarters. And she was crying. Mae had gone. But not only that, I found out that my elder sister, Bella, had been killed by Brother Gabriel for refusing his advances. It was why Mae ran. I remember praying with Lilah, the two of us believing that God was punishing us. Taking us one by one. I lived in fear for days. The Disciple Guards could not find Mae, and it drove them to such anger that it terrified me.”
Maddie’s breathing changed, the knuckles on her hands became white. The color had drained from her face, and with unfocused eyes, she said, “That was when they all came for me. All four elders. They believed my bloodline was tainted. That my blood ran with nothing but sin and evil. The bloodline I shared with Bella and Mae.”
I sucked in a breath, my body now shaking. But I couldn’t move to get my blade. My body was rooted to the fucking floor by Maddie’s words. Turning my hand, I curled my fingers and dug in my nails.
Maddie’s eyes slammed down to watch as I began to count under my breath. But she carried on.
“I wanted to die, Flame. I no longer wanted to live. I remember thinking I would have accepted eternal damnation than to live like that. I could no longer bear to be touched. I hated men. All they had ever done was hurt me.” Maddie paused, then leaned forward.
I stilled.
“Then Mae returned, and following close behind was her love. Her love and his friends. When I saw the men all lined up as Mae brought Lilah and I from the cell, I had never felt such fear before. The men all appeared different to what I was used to. Then when I looked to the ground, I saw slain elders. The men who had just spent months sexually exorcising evil from my blood. Yet the man that grieved me most was not there. I found out from Mae’s love that another had been slain in the trees. And for the first time in my life, a sinful thought crossed my mind. Because I prayed that it was Brother Moses. I prayed to God that he had paid with his life for the years he had caused me pain.
“I ran into the woods, then I saw him. I saw him impaled against the tree. I saw the four long blades keeping him in place. I saw the blood pouring from his mouth. I saw his dark lifeless eyes staring into nothing… and I remember breathing. I remember standing there, staring at my torturer, my own living demon, and I breathed. I smelled the fresh air. I could smell the flowers. I heard the birds singing in the trees. At that moment I realized that I was alive. For all those years, I had not been living.”