she replied, “I am absolutely not jealous, my Lord. I know taking several consorts is what our scripture advises.”
Resting my elbows on my knees, I asked, “Then what is it?” She went to open her mouth, when I commanded harshly, “And do not lie to your Prophet.”
Phebe’s mouth slammed shut. A sudden empty feeling filled my stomach. Then a thought crossed my mind. “Judah has not hurt you, has he?”
Phebe’s lips parted, but she shook her head. She moved to speak, but then something stopped her.
“Speak,” I demanded.
Phebe shook her head in refusal. “What is troubling me is sinful, my Lord. It is wrong, but I cannot stop thinking about it all the same.”
I tried to imagine what could be sinful to her, then remembered her avoidance of the call to prayer. “Are these thoughts why you missed prayers?”
Phebe hesitated, then reluctantly nodded her head. “I am unclean. I am not worthy of prayer.” Tears filled her eyes, and I found myself getting to my feet. I walked down the steps until I stood right before her. Phebe, this close, was shaking. Reaching my hand up, I placed my finger under her chin, until her eyes clashed with my own.
A tear fell down her cheek.
“Tell me what you fear is sinful.” Phebe tried to pull away. “No!” I commanded. She froze. “You will tell me, now!”
Phebe’s lip trembled, but she forced herself to whisper, “It is… it is my sister. It is my Rebek—,” She corrected the name. “It is my Delilah.”
I immediately dropped my hand. Phebe lowered her head once more. “I told you it was sinful, my Lord. I am wrong to keep thinking of her. To keep thinking of what was done to her all those weeks ago.”
I stepped back. I thought of Delilah’s face as I told her to confess her sins to me, when she had been recaptured from the Hangmen compound. She had refused. And I had washed my hands of her. She was Mae’s sister. I could not deal with someone Mae loved. She was still my weakness.
Judah took over her instruction as I took myself into seclusion, to atone for my weakness over that woman. Salome. My destined wife.
I never asked Judah what was done to Delilah. I could not. I could not bring myself to hear what she received in punishment for disobeying our ways.
Phebe interrupted my reflection. She lifted her head and cried, “My Lord, I cannot rid my mind of what was done to her. Of what she looked like when I found her on the Hill of Perdition, hanging from a stake and being spiritually cleansed by the brothers.” She sobbed, and continued, “Then seeing the devil’s men come to retrieve her. Of what they did to the brothers in their rage.”
I swallowed as she talked of the fallen brothers, of their punishments, of Delilah, of the Hangmen breaking into my commune unnoticed, severing the one remaining link I had to Mae.
Placing my hand on her shoulder, I reassured, “Truly, it was too much for you to witness, Sister. For you to see the brother’s slain bodies.”
Phebe cried harder and shook her head. “No…” she whispered. I pulled back my hand.
“No, what?”
Sniffing, Phebe wiped at her eyes, then confessed, “I sin because I rejoice at what the devil’s men did. I am happy that they killed our brothers.” Her blue eyes stared straight ahead, losing focus. “After what they had just done to Delilah, I was happy. They went further than Judah had commanded, even though what he ordered was not at all based on our scripture. But… but I could not speak up. I dared not question a command of the Prophet’s Hand.”
Her eyes fixed on mine and she said coldly, “They violated her. They took her, they hurt her over and over again. But that was not supposed to be her punishment. Judah… Judah ordered them to make Delilah suffer. Of course, I was not meant to have heard his command. But… but I did.”
Clearing her throat, she squared her shoulders and continued. “When the devil’s men took Delilah; when the man with long blond hair saved her and held her protectively in his arms… I was happy.”
Phebe ran her hand over her forehead, clearly in distress.
What she had said raced through my mind. Judah had issued a punishment not-of-scripture? Delilah had been put on a stake? They had… repeatedly taken her?
Phebe was staring at me as I lowered my gaze. “My Lord, I believe that