go back to that life. But I would never get over that fear if I never let him go.
I hated that Randy was right.
♪♫♪
I was chewing my thumb when Sean walked in a few minutes later.
“Hey, Libs.”
“Hey, um…can you come talk to me?”
He looked to the clean kitchen in confusion. “Did you already eat?”
I shook my head.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked with a smile, knowing that I was always starving when I came home from work.
“I had some nuts, but I won’t be able to eat more until we talk about this.”
He eased a few steps closer. “That sounds…ominous.”
“Not ominous, I promise.”
He came and sat down. “Okay. What is it?”
“I overheard you talking to Randy.”
He relaxed a little. “Ah.”
“And then he called me.”
His brow furrowed and he frowned. “Why?”
“To explain to me why you need to go do this benefit concert.”
He was still confused. “I’m sorry he tried to drag you into it. I’m not going though.”
“But you should.” The words came out stilted and insincere, but they were the words that needed to be said.
That took him by surprise. “I should?”
“Yes.”
“No. I don’t want to do it. There’s no reason for me to leave right now.”
“You have to start performing sometime. If not now, then when?”
His face fell a little. “Do you not want me here?”
I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Of course I do, but are you really willing to torpedo your career?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’m not willing to let you.”
He let out a sigh. “I feel like you and I…like we might be on the verge of something. And I don’t want to run off, chasing my career when we are finally starting to really understand each other.”
“Okay. Fine. Then forget what it would mean for your career.” It was time for honesty. “Let’s talk about what it would mean for us.”
“Us?”
“Yes. Us. The potential us.”
One side of his mouth turned up in a hopeful smile. “There’s a potential us?”
I swallowed. “Yeah.” My answer was quiet, almost shy.
His smile bloomed fully and his eyes lit up. It was the kind of look that every woman hoped to see on the face of the man she cared about. And it almost derailed my thoughts. Almost.
“My point is”—I pulled my thoughts back on track—“if we are going to be together, then I can’t pretend that you’re always going to be around. These months that you’ve been here? They’re an anomaly. This isn’t how your life is going to be forever. I need to know that I can handle it when you leave. You can’t live your life in one city, Sean. We both know that. You’ll be traveling, and I don’t want to go into something expecting anything else.” I didn’t say it, but I also needed to acknowledge the possibility that at some point he might leave and not come back. It might not work out between us. And I needed to know that I could handle that.
“What if I don’t go back to it?” he threw out.
I smiled, appreciating the sentiment, but not believing it for a minute. “Of course you’re going to go back. Of course you should go back. This is what you do, Sean. You’re good at it—great, actually.”
He picked up the hand that held his and kissed the back of it. “I appreciate that, but I’m not going to go. Not right now.”
It would have been easy—to say okay, to let him stay, to maintain the status quo and pretend it was never going to change. But I knew better.
I chewed the inside of my lip a little and my eyes burned. I pushed to my feet and took a few steps away as I gathered my courage, both of my hands pressed to my lower back. Then I turned back to look at him. “Sean, I need you to go.”
Alarm crossed his face.
“And not just for this concert,” I said. “Take…the next four weeks and do all the things you’ve been putting off. Appease the record label. Glad-hand the higher-ups. Meet the fans.”
His face fell in sadness and confusion. “You want me to leave you?”
I nodded. “Not forever, just for a while. But”—I shrugged, not sure I even understood all my reasons—“yes.”
“Why?” he asked again.
“I…I need to know that I’ll be fine by myself sometimes. And,” I said, with sudden clarity, “I need to know that I’m not doing the same thing to you that you did to me.”
Hurt slashed across his face.
“And I’m not saying that to hurt you. I’m not. We’ve