could now let it go. What would that feel like? And was it even possible? The idea of not being weighed down by it was more than appealing, but the actuality of changing my entire view of Sean’s fame and my relationship to it and to him…
My head fell back against the headrest as a deep sigh seeped from my lungs. When I breathed in again, my throat was tight and with the next exhale, a weak sob escaped.
Sean found me there, weeping, and opened my car door, allowing the wind to push in after him. I looked at the concern in his eyes and just shrugged. He crouched down and awkwardly fit his upper body into the car, wrapping me in his arms.
“I thought it was me,” I finally admitted.
“You thought what was you?”
“I thought I was the reason for all of it. I thought I made you sing, and then it was because I pushed you that you got famous, and because of me that your life got screwed up, and Serena—” I broke off as tears choked me.
Sean squeezed me tighter and let out a sigh. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you ever thought any of this was your fault. I can say with complete confidence that it was all me. If I’m going to take responsibility for any of the good stuff I’m proud of, I also have to claim all the bad.”
I held on to him, letting my silent tears soak his shoulder for a couple minutes.
Sean shifted slightly and I suddenly remembered the position he was in. “This can’t be comfortable for you,” I said, loosening my grip. “Let’s go in.”
He pushed himself to stand, only wincing a couple times, and then reached for my hands to pull me from the car.
We got inside and I swiped angrily at my tears as I sat on the couch. “I am so sick of crying.”
Sean brought me a box of tissues and a glass of water. “Gotta rehydrate after all the tears.” He sat on the coffee table, his knees almost touching mine, and let out a sigh. “I always wondered why you stuck around so long.”
I stared down into the cup of water clasped in my hands. “What do you mean?”
He tucked my hair behind my ear, his smile soft and sad. “I knew how badly I treated you. I knew you didn’t deserve it, and I was surprised how long you stuck with me. I’ve come to realize that some of the things I did were meant to push you away. Because if you had gone, I could have stopped feeling guilty that you stayed.”
My shoulders sank.
“You and I,” he said, taking one of my hands in his. “We made a lot of mistakes trying to take care of each other.” He rubbed his thumb into my palm. “We should probably work on talking through all of it.” His words were spoken like someone who had been in therapy for a long time.
I nodded reluctantly.
“It’s going to be hard.”
I nodded again. I knew that much.
♪♫♪
The last few days had been complicated. Difficult and wonderful all at the same time. Sean’s therapist had agreed to do a video session with both of us. She asked the right questions and pushed back when she needed to. Sean and I aired a lot of grievances and made a lot of apologies in those two hours. We were lucky that we were both in a place where we wanted the truth. We wanted the closure. We wanted to move on. That session put our friendship into a new gear, and it felt good.
On my lunch break, I sent Sean a list of groceries and told him to put on his best I’m-not-a-celebrity outfit and pick them up for me. His response was, Your wish is my command.
It was odd to know that he meant it.
When I got home, the house was empty. I slumped into the couch, wondering if he would show up with enough time for me to execute my secret plan.
I slipped my shoes off and pulled one foot onto my knee, rubbing my arch. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to do this once I reached the end of my pregnancy. It was weird to think about all the little things I had to adjust in order to accommodate my little womb-gremlin.
I heard a muffled voice at my back door just before Sean walked in. He was on the phone. He grinned at