have to!” I called out as another contraction came right on the heels of the one before.
“You’re amazing, Libby.” The emotional strain in his voice almost distracted me from the pain for a moment. Almost.
Sean was right. He didn’t make it. But he was there on the phone with me the whole time. As I gasped for breath. As I listened to my own screaming, pushed through the ring of fire, and reached halfway to heaven to get my baby into this world.
“Oh,” I whimpered as they placed my squirming little girl on my chest. “Oh, baby girl,” I wept in joy, wrapping one hand over her back and using the other to cradle her tiny naked bum. “Hi, love. I got you,” I said as she let out a squawk of protest. “I got you. Sean?” I called out, realizing I hadn’t heard him in a while.
“I’m here.” His voice was almost faint, like he was out of breath.
“I have a baby,” I said, as tears streamed down my face.
“I can hear her.” Awe dripped from his words.
“She’s so perfect. Louisa, look how perfect she is.”
Louisa stood close by, her hands clasped together in front of her mouth, her face wet. Her expression was so much of what I felt. Joy and wonder and love, mixed inescapably with grief for the father who should have been here. I reached out my hand, drawing her in until her hand joined mine on my baby’s back and she leaned down to touch her forehead to mine.
Sometime later, I asked Louisa to switch our phone call to video and I got to introduce Joan Liberty Caster to the man whom I hoped she would grow up to call Dad. Sean just stared at her, his hand over his mouth, tears streaking his cheeks as he sat hunched over the phone in a private jet.
♪♫♪
I woke to the sound of Sean singing. Not one of his songs, but a lullaby. I blinked my eyes open. Sean sat in a rocking chair, holding my newborn baby daughter, staring down at her with stars in his eyes. My heart puddled in my chest.
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t move. The moment was too sacred to disturb, too precious to interrupt. His song hushed to an end and he started talking instead. “So what do you think of this big world, baby girl?”
She gave a tiny grunt and stretched in response.
“Yes, I can imagine there’s much more room to move around.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled down at her. “I have to say, I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone who I’d be able to love as much as I love your mother, but”—he swallowed and blinked—“you’ve gone and proven me wrong, haven’t you?”
My heart seemed to swell so much that it nearly escaped the confines of my chest. I was lost, over the moon, completely devoted to this man. It was…miraculous. He was a miracle. We were a miracle.
I must have made some sort of noise of pure joy, because he turned to look at me, and despite the fact that his eyes had been overflowing with love for my daughter, somehow, when he looked at me, it became more.
I just smiled, basking in the radiant light of his love.
He stood and crossed to me, adjusting the baby to nestle in the crook of his left arm. Then he sat carefully on the edge of the bed and brushed his knuckles across my cheek before leaning down to kiss me.
“Hi, love,” he said as he drew back.
“Hi.”
“There I was, off being a star, and you had to show me up by bringing an entire human into the world.”
I gave a little shrug. “I’m fancy like that.”
He ran his thumb along my jaw. “How are you feeling?”
I smiled. “Not great.” I chuckled. “But everything feels about how I’d expect under the circumstances. No scary pains. Plus—” I reached over to rub Joanie’s velvet cheek. “I got a pretty good prize out of the deal.”
♪♫♪
I don’t know how, but there weren’t cameras waiting for us when we left the hospital. Somehow, someway, my labor and delivery had slipped under the radar of the paparazzi and we made it home without incident. The only Google alerts for Sean’s name had to do with his concert. Some noted that he had left immediately after, but no one speculated far enough about why to come up with the reason.