the interruption. I stared out over the field, the grasses buzzing with bugs, midges coming out in droves.
“Twas a mistake tae give her the book. We will be livin’ the consequences of it for many long...”
My chin trembled.
He said, “Ye dinna tell me of it last night.”
“Because I knew you’d be disappointed.” A tear slid down my cheek. “I didn’t know what to do — you were gone. Bella was there. She told Archie she was going to take him home, to take him, Magnus!”
He scowled.
“I couldn’t think straight. You told me Lady Mairead was your steward. I thought she was on our side!”
He huffed. “She is on our side, but she is also always on her own side. Ye ken this.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t see her face when she saw Isla.”
He chewed his lip.
I crossed my arms. “And you promised me you were going to keep me safe! You promised me I wouldn’t have to deal with Bella, you promised me.”
“Ye are sayin’ this tae me, Kaitlyn? I hae done nothin’ but try tae make ye safe, tae keep ye safe and...” He shook his head. His eyes held pain. “Ye are saying this tae me?”
I got scared. I also felt ashamed. Like both those things, fear and shame, were heavy stones in my stomach with anger wrapped up around. I folded my arms and furiously stared at the ground.
His brow furrowed, he stared at the ground in front of his feet.
Finally, he said, “Ye ken I couldna kill Archie’s mother without a trial. Ye ken tae hae a trial would be tae hae the news filled with stories of the king and his mistress. Ye ken, once she was found guilty, Archie would be the son of a criminal. What comes of that? I am tae have her publicly executed? Tis the man ye want me tae be?”
I smarted off. “Ye ken I was confronted with your mother and your mistress in less than twenty-four hours and I had your son and my newborn baby to protect? So I gave her the book! I freaked out and gave her the book. I thought for fucking once your mom was on my side and I should be on hers — like we could be a family team. I thought that.” I huffed. “I was mistaken, but that’s the kind of woman I am, hopeful that your mom will do the right thing by us, for once.”
After a long moment Magnus said, “Dost ye truly believe I daena put yer protection first? In everythin’?”
I shook my head, but I couldn’t actually say the words. Because I was close to crying and while knowing he put me first, I was also very often — unprotected. The answer didn’t come easily.
“I ken I hae often failed, verra often.”
“I know.”
He shook his head. “But I put ye first, always.”
“I know that too.”
“I apologize for m’temper, Kaitlyn. If I had been there I would hae done it differently, but I wasna there. I ken ye did what ye believed tae be the right thing.”
“It was less about belief and more that I was flailing around for something proactive to do. I basically put the book in the painting without even thinking about the implications.”
“The implications may be dire.”
“Or they might not. She might put the book in a safe place and she might come and help us.”
“Or she may be workin’ alongside Bella. She might hae given Bella a vessel and she might be helpin’ Roderick tae raise an army. The army is quartered on Lord Philip’s landholdings...”
“Jesus Christ, she could be doing all of that?”
“Aye, she might be.”
“Then I really, really regret giving her the book.”
He nodded. “Kaitlyn, ye hae seen what I am up against: armies and evil men and diabolical mothers. A world where time daena make sense, where surprise attacks are common and kingdoms are at stake, ye ken that I hae tae— ” He shook his head with a long exhale.
I nodded. “I know, it’s a fucking shitstorm of epic proportions. Daily. I know. I lost my head and gave up the best thing we had in our arsenal. I think I got lulled into a false sense of security. I forgot about the constant war and just thought why not ask Lady Mairead for help?”
“I ken.” He put out a hand for mine.
We entwined our fingers. The sun was rising in the sky, heat warming my back, the scent of the field grass baking in the sun.