I asked Fraoch, “Do you want to go get in some comfortable clothes?”
Quentin handed him a cold beer. “Take this with you. After a jump a cold beer in the shower really helps.”
I led Fraoch down the hall to my room. When we got to the door, I said, “So now you’ve seen a house.”
“I dinna hae my eyes open.”
I laughed. “Okay, good, we’ll do a tour later, after a warm shower and...” I pushed open the door. “This is my — I mean, our room.” I hadn’t cleaned up. I rushed around, picking underwear and bras off the floor and tossing them into a hamper. In my bathroom makeup littered the counter, jewelry was in disarray, lotions with no tops, empty tubes, razors and tweezers. I swept it into my skirt and dumped half into a drawer, and the other half I dumped into a bin in the cabinet under the sink.
I returned to the bedroom where he stood looking around at the room dumbfounded. “Okay, where do we begin?”
He drank from his beer.
“Do you need to use the bathroom? I’ll introduce you to the garderobe.” I waved him in. “This is the chamberpot — you relieve yourself here. Then...”
He was still wearing the sunglasses, looking around at the brightly lit bathroom with the gigantic wall of mirrors, wincing. “Hold here.” I rushed into the bedroom for a scented candle and brought it to the bathroom, lit it, and turned out the light. The ambient light from the window was closer to twilight level. “Is that better?”
“Och aye.”
The candle light flickered calmingly. I said, “Were you able to understand what I said about using the toilet?”
He nodded, but I could tell it was bullshit, so I reexplained without actually reexplaining. “So once you stand here and pee or sit here and shit, you’ll use some paper to wipe your bum. Then throw it away. This is to flush the water.” I pushed the handle down, flushing nothing. “Make sense?”
“Aye,” he raised his kilt and started whizzing.
“Awesome.” I opened a drawer, pulled out a new toothbrush and ripped open the packaging. “Here’s the toothpaste, you know this right?”
“Aye, every day.”
I turned on the shower and got it the right temperature, beginning a list in my head: take Fraoch to the dentist.
He squirted toothpaste on his brush. Then, brushing his teeth with minty lather all over his mouth, he met me by the shower stall. “What is this then?”
“It’s the shower. Take off your clothes, climb in.”
I untied my boots and pulled them off with the socks. I dropped my skirt to the ground and then pulled my shift off over my arms and dropped it onto a gross pile that needed immediate washing.
I was naked. “It’s hard to tell if you’re enjoying the sight with the sunglasses on.”
He joked as his kilt dropped to the ground. “M’eyes are closed.”
“Well open them, because I’m naked and that’s a thing you like.”
I pulled his shirt off and drew him into the shower and under the water and hugged him. What do you think?”
He looked down on me, his sunglasses covered in water droplets. “I think I am glad tae be here with ye.”
Good.” I squirted some shampoo in my palm. “Lean forward, eyes closed.” I spread the shampoo through his hair and rubbed it around and around and then rinsed him with the shower wand, a river of mud slid down his body.
“At the risk of sounding like a nagging wife, while you’re here, you’ll want there to not be a muddy river coming from your hair. You’ll want to take a shower every day.”
“Each day?” He arched back so I could rinse the front.
“Yes, and the hardest part, you’ll need to wash your hands all the time — after going to the bathroom, before you eat.” I poured some more shampoo into my palm and lathered him up again. “You’ll want to be more clean that you think you should be.”
“Och.” He sort of scowled but his heart wasn’t in it because I was giving him one of those washing-shampoo-scalp-massages that it would be impossible not to love.
“You won’t mind, because the trade off is the food is amazing, Fraoch. None of that hand-washing will bother you because the trade off is and endless supply of coffee. Whenever you want it. And wait until you see what else.” I poured gel in my palm and washed his shoulders and down his neck and across his chest and was