Somebody to Love (Tyler Jamison #1) - April Wilson Page 0,73

lips to his forehead and breathe in his scent. He moans softly, a yearning sound, and his hand tightens on my waist as he draws closer.

I’m shocked at how quickly this guy has gotten under my skin. I’ve only known him a couple of weeks, and already he’s shattered my carefully-constructed life. It might have been only half-a-life, but it was safe, orderly, and under control.

My life has been turned upside down, and I know it will never be the same. I can’t go back to being who I was before, not after experiencing this kind of desire. I don’t want to go back.

But Ian’s so young. He’s vivacious and outgoing. He’s the center of attention wherever he goes. And me? I’m always the outsider. I’m older and stuck in my ways, and I don’t know if I can hold his interest for the long haul.

My world has opened up because of him, but I don’t know if I have what it takes to keep him.

* * *

The phone’s alarm goes off at six. I need to go home, to my condo, to change clothes before heading into the office. I’m sure there will be more questions today, more reports to read. More scrutiny into the Valdez case. I’ve told Ian there’s nothing to worry about, but I’m sure there will be repercussions of some sort. There always are. We haven’t heard from Valdez’s family yet, and I’m sure that’s coming.

At some point in the night, we shifted positions. He’s now on his side, facing away from me, and I’m tucked up against his back, spooning him. My arm is around his waist, and I’m holding him close.

Jesus, this feels good.

I’ve never slept with someone before, not like this. Sure, I’ve fallen asleep in bed with a lover before, but we weren’t glued to each other, and as soon as I awoke, usually in the middle of the night, I quietly slipped out of her apartment without a word.

This is different. This time, I’m in no hurry to leave. Having Ian nestled up against me like this makes my heart beat fast, and I find myself smiling like an idiot. But then reality intrudes, and I realize I might be jumping the gun here. This might be a life-altering experience for me, but for all I know, I could just be a diversion for him. The thought makes my chest ache. It’s entirely possible that I’ve come out just to get my heart broken.

Gently, I release him and ease back. It’s still early, and I don’t want to wake him. I slip quietly out of bed. After a quick stop in the bathroom, I dress quietly in the dark, and then I head downstairs to retrieve the rest of my stuff.

Before I let myself out the front door, I leave him a quick text message.

I’m heading to the office. I didn’t want to disturb you. – Tyler

As I start my car engine, I can’t help wondering if I just made a dick move. Should I have awakened him before I left? Should I have kissed him good-bye and said, Thanks for the best night of my life?

Should I have asked when I’ll see him again? I wanted to, but I didn’t want to come across as a desperate, needy son-of-a-bitch.

With my mind filled with what-ifs and should-haves, I head home to change. As I pull into the parking lot of my condo development, I’m struck by how odd it feels to be back here after only two nights away.

So much has happened in the past 48 hours. I’m not the same person I was. I’ve had a fundamental shift in my world. I came out to my family. I made out with a man. I slept with him, the two of us intertwined all night long. And now it feels like I’m right back where I started from, alone and isolated, and it doesn’t feel good. I guess there are too many bad memories associated with this place.

On my way in, I grab two-days’ worth of mail. I head up to my unit and let myself in to a dark condo that doesn’t feel like home anymore. For over two decades, this place has been my home, my retreat. And now it feels cold and empty, kind of like my life has been for so long. How can meeting one person upend so much so quickly?

I grab a quick shower, dress, and carry a bag of trash out on my