Smoke and Memories (The Dark Sorcerer #3) - D.K. Holmberg Page 0,82

should.

That energy lingered, drifting upward, yet she could do nothing with it.

It was as if there was a cover over her access to power.

Then there was the power within her. As she sat and focused, she could feel energy remaining there, but not enough for her to act upon.

She remembered the first time she had been at the Academy. She had been helpless, or near enough. Not tormented, not the way she felt now, but still helpless—and terrified, mostly because of her own sense of insignificance.

How could she not feel that way though?

Going to the Academy had been an act of bravery, but it had been an act that had left her uncertain, as well. Her brother had been her staunchest ally up until the point she had told him she wanted to go and see what she could learn of magic.

She hated disappointing Jonathan. Jayna remembered meeting with him, finding him sitting in a room in the upper level of their home, his friend Matthew sitting across from him. A stack of coins rested on the table, along with a sheet of paper with what appeared to be a diagram for a break-in. Jayna had seen those plans before, and understood that her brother used them to help him figure out where he would target his next attack.

She had never feared her brother and had always respected him; she always knew he was the most skilled of anyone she had ever met. Jayna remembered clutching the acceptance letter in her hand. She hadn’t been afraid of anything else up until the point she had gone to Jonathan with the news of her decision.

Jonathan looked up at her, his dark eyes unreadable, his black hair, so different from her own, cut close. He looked like a soldier, and with the cloak, jacket, and pants folded neatly alongside the chair next to him, she suspected he needed to look like a soldier in order to carry out his next assignment.

“What is it, Jayna?”

Matthew had looked up too, watching her, and it seemed as if his eyes glittered with a spark of amusement. Had he known?

Since then, Jayna had thought back to that day a few times, considering what she had gone through at that point, and what all of them had known.

But she didn’t know whether Matthew had known.

She held out the note to Jonathan, her hand trembling. She realized, though, if she were to do the same thing today, she wouldn’t tremble so much.

“What is this?” Jonathan asked.

“I . . . I have something.”

Matthew chuckled and leaned back, saying nothing.

“Well?” Jonathan said. “Get on with it.”

“It’s an acceptance letter.”

Finally, Jonathan took the letter from her and skimmed it, his brow starting to furrow, and she noticed more and more irritation in the way he clenched his jaw, the tension in his knuckles as he squeezed the letter.

“I didn’t know you intended to go.”

“I will if I can afford it.”

He sat the letter down and looked up at her, the tension fading from his jaw, but the irritation in his eyes remaining.

“If you can afford it?”

She nodded slowly. “The Academy is expensive, as I’m sure you know. I’m trying to come up with a payment plan, and given the kind of work I can do after I leave the Academy, I should be able to find a backer, but—”

“I don’t think you should leverage yourself like that,” Jonathan said.

“You don’t?”

“I think it would be a mistake.”

“I’m not doing this to upset you.”

He nodded, glancing over to Matthew before turning back to her. “I know you’re not. But at the same time, I need you.”

“You need me.” She dropped her arms to her sides. “What about what I need?”

Jonathan looked at her, the hardness in his gaze returning. Her brother had always been quick with a smile, easy with a joke, but in that moment, Jayna had been more afraid of him than she ever could have imagined.

“You know that with Mother and Father gone, I need your help.”

She swallowed. All she could do was nod. Here she had something that she had hoped her brother would understand, something that was for her, finally. Something that would allow her an opportunity to do more than she had ever done, to be something more than she had thought she could ever be. She didn’t want to follow in her brother’s footsteps, didn’t want to end up as a thief like him. Even if he was one of the most skilled thieves in the