“Yes, you do,” Tiffany insisted. “I just want to understand why. You're not the only one. Nadine does, too. We hardly see her anymore now that she's in college.”
How do I even begin to explain this? she wondered. “The truth is, I feel like I've slammed on my brakes in the middle of the highway. My life is a car driving sixty-some miles an hour down the road, and then it stops suddenly. It jolts you, changes everything going on around you. Hate isn't the word I would use to describe how I feel when I'm here. Uncomfortable and unfulfilled, maybe, but I don't hate home.”
Tiffany pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly. “At least you're honest. Mama keeps sayin’ you just have so much going on and that you'd love to be here more.”
“That's not a total lie. It is true. If I weren’t quite so busy, I'd come home more often. I have a significant chunk of time free, and that's why I'm here now. There are still some work things I need to do, but I can do them from my room upstairs.” Arial smiled softly.
“But you're not comfortable here. Why would you want to be here if you're not?”
Unable to watch her from across the room anymore, Arial stood up and sat next to her sister on the couch. “There are different kinds of uncomfortable. Some of them are good, and some are bad. The way I feel when I'm here is good.”
“I'm still not sure I get it,” Tiffany said.
“Have you ever thought a boy was so cute he gave you bubbles in your stomach?” Arial asked. Her sister nodded. “That's how I feel about being here sometimes. There are bubbles in my stomach, and it's kind of a culture shock, too. Because out in California, everything is so drastically different. I love both places, and just as you don't have to choose between loving a chocolate sundae or a cheesecake more, that's how I feel about home versus L.A.”
It was all true, so she hoped it all came across as genuine. Home was boring and slow, which made things frustrating on days she just wanted to go, go, go. She might not have been a party girl, but Arial did like to get out and do things all the same. At the farm, her free time activities were so limited.
Tiffany let go of her knees, stretching her body out again. “I wouldn't blame you for hatin' it here. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning a little. Like there isn't more of the world than just this countryside. But then I remember you and Nadine, and I smile. I don't wanna be famous, but I don't wanna stay here for the rest of my life either. Caroline thinks it's a bad idea to leave.”
“She's also attached at the hip to her boyfriend. Mama told me Caroline is convinced they'll get married right out of high school and work his family farm.” Arial gave a small half-smile at the thought. She admired her sister's dreams and hoped she did get to have them come true.
“Yeah, she loves it here,” Tiffany said.
“It's okay to love it just as much as it is to want to leave,” she said. “Everyone finds home in a different place.”
“So home isn't here for you? Not anymore?”
Arial's smile sobered into a slight frown. “I'm not sure. L.A. doesn't feel quite right, but neither does here. Home is an obscure thing for me. It's wherever I feel safe and can be myself.”
“You don't feel safe with us?” Tiffany gasped.
“Not when Mama and Caroline like to pick on me.” She laughed, trying to make it a joke, but her sister didn't join in. “It's okay, Tiffy. I promise. Pretty sure it's their way of trying to come to terms with missing me.”
“You're probably right about that one. Someday they'll know you're just doing the things you were meant to do, right?”
Arial's gaze met her sister's. The wisdom the young teenager had was far more than anything she had ever expected. She was pretty sure she wasn't anywhere near as insightful at that age, but it felt like a lifetime ago since she was just a teenager alone. And I'm not even that old. Maybe I grew up earlier and became more jaded than I originally thought. Most young women Arial's age were only beginning