Slow Burn (Dynasties Seven Sins #7) - Janice Maynard Page 0,21
the same freedom you do. Every choice I make, every road I take, affects at least two other people. My life is inextricably tied to my mother’s and to Emma’s. I don’t have the luxury of spontaneity or reckless pleasure. As much as I wish things were different, I have to face the truth.”
“So you won’t make love to me?” He was frustrated now and trying to pretend this conflict wasn’t proof of all his misgivings.
“I don’t know,” she said, the words taut with misery.
“That’s no answer, Nik.”
“Then how about this? Not now. It’s too risky.”
“Does Emma wake up during the night? Is that it?”
“Not usually. But it feels wrong with her in the next room.”
“How can it be wrong if our being together created that perfect little girl?” Nikki was pale, obviously distressed. It was all he could do to keep his distance.
“Jake,” she said quietly. “This thing between us is like sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold night. Even though we scattered the logs years ago, and the blaze went out, somehow, a couple of small embers stayed close enough to create danger. I can’t explain it. We’re a weird paradox. Virtual strangers who somehow know each other very well.”
“You don’t feel like a stranger to me.” It was the God’s honest truth. One encounter in fifteen years? They should be awkward together. Instead, touching her was the easiest thing he had ever done. He wanted to drown in her.
“Maybe we need to back up. Spend some time talking. Getting reacquainted.”
“Talking?” He clenched his fists. “What will that accomplish?”
She lifted her chin. “You think you know me, but you don’t, Jake. We can’t pick up where we left off fifteen years ago. And not even where we were in Atlantic City. Time changes people. I’ve changed.”
His body vibrated with sexual tension. He was hard and desperate—a toxic combination. There was the tiniest possibility she was right. Only in Jake’s case, he had dealt with the tragedy in his past by moving slowly through the years. He’d made plenty of money. But he lived from day to day. Alone. Sometimes in the midst of a sea of people, but alone.
Now he was back in New Jersey. What was his next step?
Emma complicated the outcome. Enormously.
Maybe Jake could be a lover, but not a dad. It was painful to admit.
He exhaled and told himself no man ever died from unfulfilled lust. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Would popcorn make you feel better?”
His nose twitched, already imagining the scent. “With real butter?”
“Sure.”
He followed her into the kitchen. Nikki’s body language was wary, as if she knew he was on a short fuse. As he watched, she pulled out an old-fashioned aluminum popper. She added oil, seasoning and kernels, then put a chunk of butter in a tiny pan and set it to low.
Her small dinette chair was barely big enough to support his weight. He sat, anyway, his knee bouncing under the table with nervous energy.
When there was nothing to do but wait, she joined him, her body language guarded.
Jake plowed ahead. “What shall we talk about?”
Nikki shrugged. “You first.”
“Will your mom want to go back to Falling Brook now that money won’t be an issue?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.”
“I guess she’s made friends here.”
“Not really. We’ve moved around a lot, at least we did before Emma was born. For years, we used my mother’s maiden name. A dozen different apartments. A dozen not-so-legal leases. She was terrified that someone would recognize her from the news.”
“That’s understandable.” Wasn’t that why Jake, himself, had fled?
The sound of the first pops ricocheted in the small room.
Nikki jumped to her feet. “You want wine?”
“Coke goes with popcorn. If you have any...”
She cocked her head. “Jake Lowell is asking for a sugary soft drink?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s been a stressful week. I think I’m entitled.”
“That’s an understatement, for sure. Here you go.” She got a can and handed it to him, then reached up into the cabinet for bowls. “I’ll let you salt yours how you like it.”
“Thanks.” The fact that Nikki’s brief, light touch affected him so deeply meant he was in real trouble.
Moments later they were enjoying their snack in silence.
His throat tightened. “Your turn,” he said gruffly.
“I’m surprised you’re willing to answer questions.”
He frowned. “What does that mean?”
“Fifteen years ago, it was like you disappeared off the face of the earth.”
The tops of his ears got hot. “It wasn’t that extreme,” he said, feeling guilty