Sins of Mine - Mary E. Twomey Page 0,56

covers before we laid down.

As Paxton climbs into the bed in the slice of space behind me, my entire body warms, trapped in a cocoon of the men I love. The world is horribly broken, and my spirit crushed beyond repair, but Paxton’s chest glues itself to my back as he spoons my body.

Paxton’s lips touch on the curve of my shaved head. “I love you, darlyss. Whatever comes when we wake, we’ll face it together. I am not afraid of it.”

I can hear the lie because I know he’s very much afraid of what the future holds. Coming into power right as the world has been so horribly shattered is no one’s idea of a good time. But Paxton’s just optimistic enough that he can see bright spots when it’s far easier to convince ourselves that there’s nothing left to light the way.

It’s one of the qualities that will make him a brilliant ruler.

“I’m scared,” I admit. “I murdered the king of the free world.”

“Shh,” Paxton soothes. “There’s no such thing as a free world when innocents are incarcerated. And I didn’t see anything like what you’re describing. You didn’t kill him. What I saw was nothing. We spent the afternoon, the three of us, driving around and looking for spots that might be a good expansion for our commune.”

I gasp, shocked that he could ever come up with such a blatant lie. “You can’t sell that. A lie like that would eat at you over time. You’re too pure a person.”

Paxton clutches me tighter. “The truth of what actually happened to us our entire childhoods is what ate away at my spirits. The world being set right isn’t going to do anything but set me free. We were driving around and looking for spots for our commune. That’s what happened.”

“You can’t start your rule on a lie. I’ll take the blame for both murders.”

Paxton holds me more firmly still. “That is a lie I definitely cannot live with. Put it out of your mind. I won’t let it stand. The second that story leaves your lips, I’ll counter it with the truth.”

I need Sloan. He would know what to do. That he’s dead is the most horrible thing I can think. I need to find his body, but now that the police are no doubt going to be crawling all through the palace after the murder of the king gets out, the authorities will uncover the body for me.

Will they be careful with Sloan? No one’s ever careful with him. They assume he’s meant for harder work than his body can handle, but his right knee cracks when he goes up the stairs. He sometimes “oof”s at the end of a long day when he finally gets to sit down.

When I was locked up at Prigham’s, no one was there to make sure he took his vitamins. He probably stopped taking the turmeric pills I added to his routine to help with his joint pain.

Father worked him too hard. He put Sloan in too many precarious positions.

And now he’s dead. Strangers will collect his broken body, and they’ll have no idea that he’s precious, and should be handled gently.

Now that I’m finally safe and lying down, everything starts to hit me. Tears bloom and slither across my face, reminding me that just because I’m out of the closet, that doesn’t mean I’ll ever be free of all that’s happened to me.

Maybe it’s short-sighted—thinking one can never outgrow or escape the horrors they’ve had to endure—but tonight, that’s exactly how it feels. I’m trapped in this darkness that always manages to find me.

Paxton doesn’t coax me to stop crying. Instead, his tears join mine, falling into my hair while we shudder—two orphans huddled in life’s unending storms.

His whisper comes nearly twenty minutes into our shared breakdown. “I will not let go of you. Do you understand me? No matter how it all shakes out, I will not let go. Wherever we land, we land together.”

My nod comes slow, but it’s there. I won’t push away the hands that hold me the way I was always meant to be cherished.

“Together,” I agree through my quiet sobs.

We cry ourselves to sleep, knowing that when the doorbell rings, our lives will be forever changed.

19

These Are My Sins

Arlanna

I don’t expect to wake naturally, without the interruption of a hard knock from the authorities coming to drag me away. I’m not ready to open my eyes. Instead I want to hold on to the