why he’s here. I’ll just drive myself crazy doing that. Because I can’t fix it. I can’t save him. I can only care for him for as long as we’re both trapped in this icy, unfriendly mansion with this icy, unfriendly man.
He listens to me, although I’m always ready for the other shoe to drop. For the same things that drove out the other nannies to make me want to run screaming for the hills. I don’t have that option, of course, but I’m on edge anyways.
It hasn’t happened yet. This morning, as he colors at the table while I cook breakfast—scrambled eggs, bacon, and fruit slices—it feels almost domestic. Like he’s really—well, I shouldn’t say like he’s my little boy, but maybe like he’s just a normal little boy and I’m a normal nanny. Nothing sinister about it.
When I set the plate in front of him and he sees that I’ve arranged it to look like a vampire with two tiny strawberry fangs, I swear he even smiles a little.
After breakfast, he turns to me and says softly, “Can I play in my room for a little while now?”
I’m surprised by the question, because after breakfast we usually watch cartoons in the living room. Against my better judgment, I say, “Sure. Leave the door open. I’ll be right down the hall if you need me.”
He nods before turning and running upstairs.
I clean up the dishes and head to the library again. It’s a good chance to get some studying in. I wade back into torts and contract legalese, slapping color-coded sticky notes in the margins whenever I have a question. Law school is right around the corner—assuming I ever get there. Assuming Dad pays off his debts.
I shudder. Those are bad thoughts. They won’t help me get through this nightmare. Better to focus on things I can control. Memorize facts, cook breakfast—simple, objective stuff like that.
Lost in the minutiae of offer versus acceptance, mutual assent, and the doctrine of contractualized legality, I don’t hear the footsteps approaching until I see them out of the corner of my eye.
I look up to find Matvei standing over me. Immediately, I jump.
“You’re home,” I say, snapping the book closed and shoving it in behind me.
Part of me feels like I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar, doing something I shouldn’t be. The other is surprised to see him during the day. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
“I’m home,” he agrees. He then lifts his hand and shows me something small and metallic. “I’m home, and I found Nikolas upstairs. With this.”
“What is—”
Before I can get my question out, Matvei answers it by flipping the knife open and revealing the sharp edge to me. I feel my stomach sink to my toes. I was so careful with Nikolas. The past few days, I’ve been telling him to stay out of Matvei’s things when he’s not home, so he doesn’t hurt himself.
“I …”
“You what?” he asks, an edge of anger in his voice.
“I don’t know how he got that,” I say, hanging my head in shame. “He knows he’s not supposed to go through your things.”
“And yet …” Matvei rolls the blade between his fingers expertly, like he’s spent years mastering the technique. He takes a step towards me, then sits down on the sofa beside me. His arm stretches out behind me, on the back of the couch. “I think I’m just a little confused.”
“About?”
“Well, if my memory is correct, I hired you to be a live-in nanny, not to read books in my library.” His voice is slow and controlled, but I know he’s pissed. I’ve seen him get this angry before. He’s so pissed that it makes him calm. “I don’t mind you using this library. I do have a problem with you letting a child play with knives.”
“I didn’t—”
Matvei places the blade against my exposed thigh. He doesn’t press hard, but the chilling metal against my flesh makes me shiver. I stop my lips from forming anything else, shivering in fear.
“You’re making excuses, just like your father always did whenever I asked for my money. I’ve heard enough excuses from the Elwoods. Do you understand me?”
I can’t make a sound. I nod instead.
“Do not let it happen again, Victoria. I don’t want to prove to you how serious I am about what I say.”
He doesn’t actually need to say anything; his facial expression is terrifying enough. I nod again, fighting back the sudden sting