The Single Mums' Secrets - Janet Hoggarth Page 0,75
once the door was shut and the kettle was in sight.
The girls were upstairs, some inane rap music pumping out from a bedroom like a call to arms. Muthafucking Whatevers. Didn’t these girls realise the lyrics of most rap denigrated women?
‘I can’t drink, can I?’
Francesca shut the kitchen door behind her in a vain attempt to block out the polemic swear words. ‘So you’re going ahead?’
I nodded, patting my bloated tummy, then pulled a kitchen chair out from the table and eased myself into it like I was already nine months down the line.
‘And you’re OK with it?’
‘I don’t know. Yes. Then no, followed by yes, swiftly counterbalanced by NO NO NO.’
‘Well, it can take an ocean liner a long time to turn around,’ Francesca shrewdly observed.
‘I’m mid turn at the moment. Honestly, my body is all over the place. I’m eighteen weeks, in constant emotional turmoil veering between foul-mouthed harridan and weepy wet blanket. The middle ground is rarely visible between the two opposing tides. How has the human race survived when pregnancy is such a hormonal Russian roulette?’
‘Did you want me to answer that or was is a rhetorical rant?’ Francesca filled the kettle from the tap, turning her back on me while I pondered a witty response.
‘Carl’s the father,’ bolted out of my mouth instead, taking me by utmost surprise.
She turned round slowly, her unperturbed manner a dead giveaway. ‘I see.’
‘You already knew?’ I asked unnecessarily. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything, but I think I need to just start saying it. It’s not a secret any more…’
‘Yes. He told Jo and me, but I did already guess.’ She smiled at me.
‘I’m waiting for you to ask me if we’re making a go of it.’
‘I’m the last person to ever say that. I’ve stayed with Ian as long as I have for the sake of the girls, but to be honest, things have evened out. I wouldn’t say we’ve reconnected like when we first met, but it’s a massive improvement on what went before. Who knows what the future holds? We may make it to old age together after all!’
‘Oh, I had no idea. Are you happy?’
‘I think so. Well, I’m not unhappy. I think we’re in a state of calm equilibrium. The reality is, being on my own was going to be a logistical and financial nightmare. And I’m here with everyone in the Mews and that also makes me happy. Compromise is the name of the game.’
‘Bloody hell. Maybe starting off on my own is the best thing. Then I won’t ever have to think about any of that stuff or find it all a crushing disappointment.’
‘There are always advantages to starting off on your own… And if Carl’s with Lara, then that keeps everything in the friend zone. Taking sex out of the equation can make things a lot less murky. Oh, here she is…’ Francesca waved through the kitchen window as Jo, Debbie and Ali walked past. She padded into the hallway to open the door.
‘Oi oi, Doctor. Got yourself in a bit of bother, have you?’ Jo boomed as she strode into the kitchen filling the space with her exuberant presence. She was sporting one of her classic outfits that always warmed my heart: an acid house smiley face tie-dye T-shirt teamed with scarlet culottes. For some reason, she could wear whatever she liked and get away with it. I would bear more than a passing resemblance to a Weeble in that outfit.
‘That’s a loaded question if ever I heard one,’ I answered.
She winked at me, code for I know you know I know. ‘I have some keys for you here so you can let yourself back in. We’re off out to the cinema if you want to join us. Ali here has suggested a film with subtitles, but I’m no good at reading quickly, so I’m trying to persuade her to see some new lesbian film instead with Cate Blanchett. Can’t go wrong with her.’
‘Are you OK?’ Ali asked thoughtfully. ‘I’ve not seen you much lately. Jo told me you’re moving out eventually. Have you found somewhere to buy?’
‘No new home yet – I need to start looking before the baby surprises us all.’
Ali opened her mouth twice to speak but no sound came out.
The time for hiding was over. Maybe if I admitted it, the ocean liner would right itself and sail off into the sun-kissed horizon and a happy future…
‘You—you’re having a baby?’ Ali eventually managed to splutter out.