The Single Mums' Secrets - Janet Hoggarth Page 0,41
everyone else and that other people feel like I do, but that group felt too much.’
‘Shall we go for a cuppa somewhere?’ Winnie suggested. The nearest café was shut, so they ended up in an echoey pub, The Railway Telegraph, the only women in there. A gaggle of builders sprinkled in cement dust propped up the bar before heading out for cigarettes. Winnie just had a cup of tea while Louise ordered a large glass of red wine. She inhaled a huge gulp, the wine hitting her empty stomach, dispersing swiftly to her chest and relaxing the barrel hoops round her lungs.
‘When was the last time I saw you?’ Winnie asked. ‘Was it after your little girl was born?’ Winnie had still been working then, her boys long grown up, out in the world. Anthony was now a doctor and David was a teacher, and Winnie a grandmother. Louise had found this out on the walk to the pub.
‘I think so. I feel so awful that I let everything slide after Gemma,’ Louise said regretfully. ‘I still see a few of the girls from King’s, but no one’s gone back to the birthing suite. Most of them are community based, juggling work with a family.’
‘Well, that’s life. I get all my catch-ups on Facebook these days. The boys post pictures of the grandkids and all the gang are on there. They don’t even live miles away, but life seems too busy for everyone nowadays.’
‘Oh, I should have looked for you. I assumed you wouldn’t be on there. I hardly go on. Just the odd stalk. I don’t want to see everyone’s perfect lives.’
‘No one’s life is perfect,’ Winnie said and sipped her tea. ‘I gave up work once Trevor got really sick. He’d retired a bit early from St Dunstan’s – they’d offered it when the new headmaster started and wanted to bring in a fresh team. Shake things up. He had his own head groundsman in mind, I think. Trevor didn’t mind; he’d been feeling out of sorts and had been in and out of hospital with this and that, and then they diagnosed bowel cancer: the silent killer. He was only sixty-five when he died, never really got to enjoy his retirement. Here’s me over two years on, sixty-one, a widow, empty nest for quite some years now. I still can’t delete his number off my phone. Some days, when I miss him horrendously, I ring it just to hear his voice on his answer message.’ Louise reached across the bar table and squeezed Winnie’s hand. ‘That grief group has been a life saver, but I know they’re not for everyone. You were the youngest one there by a long shot!’
‘Maybe I should give it another go,’ Louise sighed. ‘I haven’t even attempted to clear out Nigel’s things yet. It’s too final.’
‘You do what you have to do. There are no rules. I’ve made up my mind I’m going to get a job. I need something to do, somewhere to go every day. All the charity shops have long waiting lists for shop assistants, so either I’ll apply for the food bank or I’m thinking of going for a paid job.’
‘Back to midwifery?’ Louise asked surprised.
‘No!! Nice little desk job. But I think I’m too old. Maybe Sainsbury’s checkout. They love us pensioners there!’
‘You’re not old enough to be a pensioner!’ Louise cried. ‘You still look the same! You should get a part-time job where you help people. You’re so good at that.’
‘Those jobs are hard to come by; I’ve looked believe me. They all want long hours. Anyway, what about you? Going back to work eventually?’
Louise squirmed. Just before Nigel had died, she’d read all the information for her return to practice, but she’d filed it all away in the back of her mind. Going back to delivering babies was hard with a husband or partner on side. Near impossible as a single mum; the shifts were just crucifying.
‘Not at the moment. Three kids feel enough.’
‘OK. Well, shame to waste your skills. You were a brilliant midwife, Lou Lou. One of my best. You’ll know if the time is right.’ She patted Louise’s hand. ‘Let’s do this again sometime. The first year is the hardest. You’re in the trench now, but it will get a bit easier. Those old codgers in there do go on, but in the last year, even they’ve improved. So God only knows what they were like less than a year in…’