The Single Mums' Secrets - Janet Hoggarth Page 0,36
the depleted hormone scale. The perimenopause is causing me some bother.’
‘Well, your thyroid was all normal, iron slightly under but not worrying, no cancer red flags, B12 a bit low also. However, oestrogen and progesterone are sky high. If this was a bar chart, they would be twin towers dwarfing the other results.’
‘Oh crap.’
‘Yes, quite.’ I could hear her breathing down the line. ‘I assume you’ll do the next test yourself?’ As soon as I ended the call, my hands began trembling.
‘Shit fucking bollocks. And thunder cunt.’ I smashed the metaphorical jar. It was time for all the corpulent emergency words.
*
‘I’m glad you suggested dinner in,’ Francesca said later that evening as we sat at her kitchen table an open bottle of Tempranillo between us. I’d almost cancelled twice in a panic, but my household was smothered in a decidedly black smog. Some shouting from elsewhere in the house had infiltrated my comatose state a few nights ago, but earplugs and a pillow soon put paid to that. Then yesterday I’d returned home to find boxes in the hallway and Omar frantically running up and down the stairs with bin bags. George was loading them into a Zip Van outside.
‘Omar, what’s going on?’ I’d asked as he dumped a Ted Baker mega bag on top of what looked like a TV stashed inside a cardboard box. He stopped, one foot on the bottom stair ready to sprint back up.
‘April and I broke up. She freaked out about my aunties setting me up on marriage sites.’
‘Well, yes, I can imagine.’ Twenty seemed so young to think of getting married, but then what did I know?
‘I only agreed to it to get my parents off my back. They suspected about April.’ He sighed and perched on the step while George hoisted boxes about in the back of the van. ‘We had a huge row and she asked me to leave. I totally thought she meant it – she didn’t. I was gutted, but at the same time, it was probably always going to end like this. I do want to get married and bring the children up Muslim. I want to remain in my community within my family, but that’s a way off yet. I dunno, I kind of thought we would work it out one day, but now… I know I won’t ever change my mind.’
‘That’s a shame when you two seemed to be so together. You never know what will happen in the future or how you will feel.’
He shrugged. ‘Some things are bigger than that. I have my whole life ahead of me.’ He looked right at me then and for a split second the eyes staring back at me cradled the knowledge of someone who had lived a thousand lifetimes.
I was hit with a harsh memory of myself a year older than Omar, telling a similarly obdurate story, deflecting objections with the same defiant certainty. I shook my head to banish it. Youth always planted its flag with a permanent view, never once thinking of an alternative reality until it was faced with the impossible…
Francesca poured me a glass of wine, nudging me back to the present.
‘I’m feeling knackered and the thought of leaving the compound to socialise with the real world didn’t appeal tonight.’ She always looked energised to me so this was hard to believe. I think it helped that her vivacious red hair detracted from any eye bags that might be evident. Bright clothes and copious amounts of jewellery also acted as a foil. I had to agree that everyone in the Mews, including myself, seemed to be a bit institutionalised with a general aversion to life outside the gates.
‘Me neither,’ I replied, thinking the real world was eventually going to reclaim me, not a process I was relishing now…
‘Where are the girls and Ian?’ I asked. The house felt unusually quiet. Francesca’s two teenage daughters, Ariel and Tia, loved loud music and inviting friends round for sleepovers and ‘gatherings’ as they were called (parties in my day).
‘Ian’s taken them to his mum’s in Norfolk for a few days. Ariel broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago and has been moping round the house. He’s tried to get her to do work for him, filing and stuff, keep her busy now school’s out, but she’s been so distracted. I suggested he have some time with them as I have a few busy weeks before people go on holiday. Everyone wants their chakras aligned