The Single Mums' Secrets - Janet Hoggarth Page 0,24

that’s good you feel like that.’

Her eyebrows dived under her heavy fringe sceptically.

‘You need to process, not deflect.’

I’d spotted a man who looked like James by one of the playground water fountains, getting a drink, two boys waiting patiently behind him, swinging bags like helicopter blades. He stood up and caught my eye while he wiped his mouth, and had the bloody nerve to smile. I turned away and waited for Ted and Gemma who were both late out. Neither of their classes had joined the other lines in the crowded playground.

‘Your kids late too?’ a voice asked behind me. It was him. ‘Are you new to the school?’

‘No, I’m not new. I don’t pick up normally; my sister does.’

‘Oh right. Just never noticed you before. Not many new parents here. You can always spot the childminders.’ I wondered how but could live the rest of my life without knowing the answer. I wondered who else he talked to. I could have been mistaken and he could have been passing the time of day and being kind to someone he thought was new. Or (and this was what fitted the offender profile I had set up in my head) he swooped in on women who needed to ‘talk’, and then played a flirting game to while away the hours when he wasn’t working. A bit like people on Tinder who set up fake profiles so they can go on dates while married without anyone finding out.

Having lived and worked in the north of England, this kind of chatting would be considered normal in any situation. In the queue at the post office, while I examined someone’s boil-ridden bum in surgery, in Morrisons’ car park as you fumbled for a one pound to release a trolley – people just talked. Nothing was off limits. Sure it was mostly older people, but still, the ticket was there of you wanted to take it. Not so much in London. Most people didn’t talk like that unless they were forced to, like in a bank robbery or during a mugging. I pondered this as I waited for Gemma and Ted to relieve me from having to stand like a lemon and engage in chit-chat with Louise’s non-fling.

Two snaking lines of kids wound their way across the packed tarmac and ground to a halt by the wooden pirate ship. Gemma waved at me; Ted resolutely ignored me. I waved back to Gemma, and James (if it was him) coughed. I glanced sideways at him and for a second I swear I detected a slight flash of colour flare across his cheeks as he realised whose sister I was.

I walked over to collect the kids, the teachers looking harassed to death and glad to rid themselves of their charges. James hung back, and just as I was on my way past him he walked towards the lines. Unbidden rage of the like I hadn’t felt before in my life erupted in my ribcage. I couldn’t stop it. My palms burned holding Gemma’s hand in mine. Sweat pricked in my armpits and I felt like a rocket about to shoot across the cloudy afternoon sky.

‘Stay away from Louise,’ I hissed under my breath as I passed him, sounding more like an East End gangster than I’d meant to.

‘Excuse me?’ he said innocently kindling the already present fury.

‘You heard me. Leave her alone. She doesn’t need you.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’ He looked like I was the mad one. I stalked off, my temperature spiking way above thirty-seven. Why was I wearing jeans? They were sticking to my legs. My top lip was awash and my hair felt damp, like a fine mist of rain had flattened it (no mean feat).

‘Aunty Christa, why did you say that to Kandi’s dad?’ Gemma asked innocently as I rushed through the school gates, eager to leave the pompous shit behind me, my legs shaking. I didn’t know why I had said it. It was like someone had hijacked my mouth. I never behaved like that.

‘What’s Kandi’s dad called?’ I asked them, my voice trembling. Ted scuffed his shoes on the pavement and wouldn’t look at me. My body must have been giving off enough heat to toast bread.

‘I don’t know. Ted knows, he’s been to their house with her big brother, Stan.’

‘Ted?’

He hunched his shoulders.

‘Is he called James?’

‘No, that’s Mummy’s friend, Abby’s dad,’ Gemma said like I was a total divvy. ‘Him over there.’ And she pointed across the road